Friday, October 30, 2009

Show Mom You Care!

I’ve been informed that Wal-Mart now does truly sell everything.

Their online service now sells coffins.

One model, touchingly called “Mom Remembered” features floral patterns and the word “Mother” scrolled on the inside of the lid.

Yep. What a way to show mom you care… with a Wal-Mart coffin!

I was pleased, though, to see it is available via FedEx overnight. I imagine waiting three to six weeks for a slower freight delivery method could get rather… uh… unpleasant.

In their quest for ever higher levels of customer satisfaction, Wal-Mart even allows online customer reviews. I can just imagine:

“Loved the soft lining and delicate floral design, although the seal is perhaps not as watertight as I’d hoped, which is accelerating my decomposition more than anticipated. Still, it’s pretty good considering the price. I give it 3 ½ stars.”

Hmmm… maybe those nomads in the Himalayas who let the bodies of their loved ones get munched on by carrion-eating birds have the right idea.

Perhaps the only real difference between them and us is the vultures who feed off THEIR dead actually have feathers.

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