Saturday, August 1, 2009

My Sheltered Life

Last month, I celebrated my 47th birthday. During those 47 years, I have had the opprtunity to do and experience a great many wonderful things. But until today, there was one thing I had never done which very many Americans have taken for granted. Until today, I had never in my life had a Slurpee.

It's not that I had for any reason been intentionally avoiding them or boycotting them for any bizarre socio-political reason. And it's not that I haven't had the opportunity to get one. In fact, there's a 7-11 within a mile of where I live. And with the occasional free Slurpee promotions here & there it's not as if I can claim a financial reason for not having had one. It's just that, well - for whatever reason - I had just never gotten around to having a Slurpee. Ever.

Well, today, we drove to the local 7-11 and for the first time I went to the Slurpee machine. I was especially intrigued by a handwritten sign taped thereon with selected words capitalized and highlighted in red (and I am NOT making this up!):

"CAUTION - air pressure in the lines may cause the Slurpee machine to EXPLODE during use! Sorry for any inconvenience. 7-11"

Holy crap! Are ALL Slurpee machines this dangerous? I could only assume that what this meant was either 1.) air bubbles in the feed line may cause some dramatic spattering when pouring the Slurpee but the person writing the sign wasn't too nuanced in writing the warning, 2.) someone at the 7-11 has a brilliantly warped sense of humor or 3.) the Slurpee machine was in imminent danger of exploding.

But even if it was option 3, I had waited the better part of half a century for this moment and I wasn't going to let the threat of a catastrphic Slurpee inferno stop me!

And so, I poured my first-ever Slurpee. Two-thirds Coke and one-third some Pineapple stuff.

And y'know what? I really liked it! Good stuff. Hopefully, I won't wait another 47 years for another one. By that time, I'll either be 94 years old or, more likely given my family history, dead.

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