Once upon a time, a
culinary scientist was testing a new smartphone app he had created. With it,
one could point the smartphone at any food item and that item would give
information about itself – in its own words – that would help inexperienced
cooks in preparing those items. After much work, the app was ready for testing.
The scientist went to the local grocery store to try it out. First, he pointed
it at a pepper.
“I am a pepper. I
was grown in Mexico.
I am moderately hot and can be used in sauces for added flavor.”
The scientist was ecstatic!
He tried other items:
“I am a potato. I
was grown in Idaho.
I contain starches and carbohydrates and if cooked at 400 degrees for one hour
I will make an excellent baked potato.”
Another success!
Encouraged, the scientist tried more complex foods.
“I am a tiramisu. I
was made by a chef in New York
from the finest ingredients, including excellent mascarpone cheese. I am the
perfect dessert for special occasions and holidays.”
Finally, the
scientist decided to test the new app on an apple pie:
“The CIA and the
Trilateral Commission are using secret hydrogen bomb technology to undermine the
continental shelf in order to cause earthquakes! Oswald didn’t act alone! He
was helped by space aliens who used special mind wave technology to get rid of
the President because he knew too much about Atlantis!”
Confused, the
scientist tried again:
“The Norwegians are
trying to corner the silver market in a conspiracy with a secret advanced race
of super-intelligent rodent-beings so they can destabilize the internet in
order to hide the truth about homeopathy!”
Disappointed, the
scientist went home to figure out what went wrong. Despite much tweaking,
whenever he tried the app on a pie, he got the same kind of bizarre diatribe.
One day, he mentioned his problem to a mathematician friend.
“Oh!” said the mathematician.
“I know what the problem is!”
“What?” asked the
culinary scientist.
“Your app is
working fine! It’s the pie that’s the problem!”
“Really? How so?”
“Well,” replied the
mathematician, “as any mathematician can tell you, pie is irrational!”
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