Here in Michigan, it is currently illegal to purchase alcohol on Sunday mornings or on December 25. This antiquated temporal prohibition has its roots in a time when this nation fancied itself as more religious. At least when it came to those religions that just happened to celebrate their services on Sunday mornings and the birth of their savior on December 25.
It seems, however, these relics of a simpler, more monocultural (and repressive) time are about to go the way of the unicorn and cockatrice. (Both are animals mentioned in the Bible. And if they're in the Bible, they MUST have been real, right?)
From what I'm hearing on news reports, our state's legislators, faced with shrinking revenues and budget difficulties, have realized that more time for liquor sales will mean more tax dollars for the state and more potential sales for retailers. Yep. It's one thing to preach piety, but when it gets in the way of the almighty greenback, the Lord will just have to be content with having "In God we trust" graffiti-ed on the crinkled dollars used to purchase six packs of Blatz at 9:00am on the Sabbath. And so, if the pundits are correct, we Michiganders will soon be able to go to high midnight mass and stop for some Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill on the drive home.
Yet another small quiet win for secularism.
And I'll happily drink to that!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
"That's One Small Penis for a Man; One Giant Penis for Mankind"
I am currently reading the fascinating book "Packing for Mars" by Mary Roach. This book is particularly interesting for me both because it deals with human spaceflight -a particular interest of mine - and because Ms. Roach combines great science writing with a humorous skewed-to-just-this-side-of-demented take on things.
Among the fascinating trivia contained in this book is a discussion of the urine-collection devices used by male space-walkers on the Space Shuttle flights. These devices consist of a condom-like attachment connected to a tube and a urine collection bag. (Restrooms being a scarce commodity outside a spacecraft in low Earth orbit.) These devices come in three sizes. Small, medium and large, you may presume? If so, you presume incorrectly. The three size options are Large, Extra Large and Extra-Extra Large. And, in anticipation of the next question, the answer is no. Astronauts are not more stallion-like than their Earthbound brethren. The reason for the king-sized nomenclature was a concern that those who - for anatomical reasons - required a size "small" would be unwilling to admit that fact and order a larger and thus ill-fitting size with leaky and unpleasant results.
This, however, wasn't always the case. During project Apollo, they did indeed have small, medium and large sized urine collection devices.
In addition, NASA had a seemingly compulsive need to document everything related to the Apollo missions. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Like this list of items left behind on the moon by the Apollo 11 crew. Pay particular attention to items 50 and 51. Four urine collection assemblies were left behind on the lunar surface. Two were large. Two were small. Which leaves one with the obvious speculation. Two astronauts walked on the moon on that lunar morning in July 1969: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. One, apparently, was "one giant step" larger in the manhood department than the other. But who was the one with more of the "right stuff"? And how would anyone find out? I suppose someone could simply ask the men involved, but aside from the world-class awkwardness such a query would pose, I doubt either would 'fess up to wearing the size small.
I guess this is one piece of space trivia which must forever remain in the realm of conjecture and debate.
Among the fascinating trivia contained in this book is a discussion of the urine-collection devices used by male space-walkers on the Space Shuttle flights. These devices consist of a condom-like attachment connected to a tube and a urine collection bag. (Restrooms being a scarce commodity outside a spacecraft in low Earth orbit.) These devices come in three sizes. Small, medium and large, you may presume? If so, you presume incorrectly. The three size options are Large, Extra Large and Extra-Extra Large. And, in anticipation of the next question, the answer is no. Astronauts are not more stallion-like than their Earthbound brethren. The reason for the king-sized nomenclature was a concern that those who - for anatomical reasons - required a size "small" would be unwilling to admit that fact and order a larger and thus ill-fitting size with leaky and unpleasant results.
This, however, wasn't always the case. During project Apollo, they did indeed have small, medium and large sized urine collection devices.
In addition, NASA had a seemingly compulsive need to document everything related to the Apollo missions. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Like this list of items left behind on the moon by the Apollo 11 crew. Pay particular attention to items 50 and 51. Four urine collection assemblies were left behind on the lunar surface. Two were large. Two were small. Which leaves one with the obvious speculation. Two astronauts walked on the moon on that lunar morning in July 1969: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. One, apparently, was "one giant step" larger in the manhood department than the other. But who was the one with more of the "right stuff"? And how would anyone find out? I suppose someone could simply ask the men involved, but aside from the world-class awkwardness such a query would pose, I doubt either would 'fess up to wearing the size small.
I guess this is one piece of space trivia which must forever remain in the realm of conjecture and debate.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
HDTV + Computer = GuyCool
One of the true ironies of my life is that, as a PBS employee, I was up-to-date on the whole HDTV-thing for years before most people had ever heard of it. I had to be. It was my job and the ability to do it depended on knowing all about that stuff. I attended seminars, meetings, showcases and read books and articles all about the new birth of digital television.
But, since my existing analog TV's were still working, I couldn't justify the expense (to myself and CERTAINLY not my farthing-pinching wife) of buying one. Besides, when it finally came time to plunk down the ca$h to buy one, I wanted a GOOD one. That was one of the downsides to knowing so much about the digital TV world... I knew what I wanted but also knew how much it would cost.
Then, as anyone who has read my scribblings in the past will know, I lost my job. Getting an HDTV was the last thing on my agenda at that point.
We managed to save up a bit of "safety-net" money from my vacation payout to use if/when my unemployment money ran dry. My wife, however, perhaps in an attempt to keep my spirits up and give me something to look forward to, declared that if I managed to find employment before we had to dip into the reserve fund, I could use some of that money to purchase an HDTV of my choice.
Long story short, the local Fox affiliate decided to live up to their environmentalist "Green Team" hype and recycle an old PBS retread.
And I got my HDTV. Not just ANY HDTV... a ginormous one with 1080p, 120Hz screen refresh, 100,000:1 contrast ratio, etc., etc., etc. And it was even on sale! In short, it's damned awesome! It seems somehow right and just that - since, like the mafia, once someone starts in television one never seems to be able to leave - I should have a decent TV. Fer Chrissakes, there had been people living in trailer parks with better TV's than I had! It was no less than a blot on the natural order of things, I tells ya!
One thing I can't wait to see in hi-def is hockey! My beloved Red Wings in full 1080p 16x9 glory! Of course, the first time I'd have a chance to do that is 5pm tomorrow. Fate, of course, decided to spit in my eye due to the fact that I have to leave for band practice at 5:10pm. Wrong. Just wrong.
Today, having a small bit of extra cash from some unexpected overtime, I decided to stimulate the local economy by buying a 15-pin male-to-male (stop snickering... it's a perfectly legitimate electronics term! Look it up, you pervs!) cable so I could hook up my laptop to the big honkin' HDTV.
When I announced my intentions in that regard my wife simply asked "Why would you want to do THAT?"
My teenage son and I merely stared back at her incredulously... as though she asked why we like to breathe and consume nutrients.
Call it gender misunderstanding and miscommunication if you will. I just call it "Chicks just don't GET it!"
Come on: Computer. Big HDTV. Connector Cable. BIG computer picture! I mean, DUH! For guys this is nothing less than a complete syllogism; an entire self-contained system of values, philosophy and logic.
Anyway, I got the cable and, tonight, after some setup adjustments and (I'm almost ashamed to admit it but some valuable assistance from the aforementioned teenage son... it HAD to happen someday) I managed to get big computer stuff on the HD monitor.
I thought it was cool. My son thought it was cool. My wife? "When are you going to be done playing with that thing? I want to watch the Christmas stuff on QVC!"
*sigh*
And so I had to relinquish the HDTV for the time being. But one thing I can tell you for certain. There's no way ANYTHING from the Bethlehem Light Company could EVER be as cool as a laptop hooked up to an HDTV!
But, since my existing analog TV's were still working, I couldn't justify the expense (to myself and CERTAINLY not my farthing-pinching wife) of buying one. Besides, when it finally came time to plunk down the ca$h to buy one, I wanted a GOOD one. That was one of the downsides to knowing so much about the digital TV world... I knew what I wanted but also knew how much it would cost.
Then, as anyone who has read my scribblings in the past will know, I lost my job. Getting an HDTV was the last thing on my agenda at that point.
We managed to save up a bit of "safety-net" money from my vacation payout to use if/when my unemployment money ran dry. My wife, however, perhaps in an attempt to keep my spirits up and give me something to look forward to, declared that if I managed to find employment before we had to dip into the reserve fund, I could use some of that money to purchase an HDTV of my choice.
Long story short, the local Fox affiliate decided to live up to their environmentalist "Green Team" hype and recycle an old PBS retread.
And I got my HDTV. Not just ANY HDTV... a ginormous one with 1080p, 120Hz screen refresh, 100,000:1 contrast ratio, etc., etc., etc. And it was even on sale! In short, it's damned awesome! It seems somehow right and just that - since, like the mafia, once someone starts in television one never seems to be able to leave - I should have a decent TV. Fer Chrissakes, there had been people living in trailer parks with better TV's than I had! It was no less than a blot on the natural order of things, I tells ya!
One thing I can't wait to see in hi-def is hockey! My beloved Red Wings in full 1080p 16x9 glory! Of course, the first time I'd have a chance to do that is 5pm tomorrow. Fate, of course, decided to spit in my eye due to the fact that I have to leave for band practice at 5:10pm. Wrong. Just wrong.
Today, having a small bit of extra cash from some unexpected overtime, I decided to stimulate the local economy by buying a 15-pin male-to-male (stop snickering... it's a perfectly legitimate electronics term! Look it up, you pervs!) cable so I could hook up my laptop to the big honkin' HDTV.
When I announced my intentions in that regard my wife simply asked "Why would you want to do THAT?"
My teenage son and I merely stared back at her incredulously... as though she asked why we like to breathe and consume nutrients.
Call it gender misunderstanding and miscommunication if you will. I just call it "Chicks just don't GET it!"
Come on: Computer. Big HDTV. Connector Cable. BIG computer picture! I mean, DUH! For guys this is nothing less than a complete syllogism; an entire self-contained system of values, philosophy and logic.
Anyway, I got the cable and, tonight, after some setup adjustments and (I'm almost ashamed to admit it but some valuable assistance from the aforementioned teenage son... it HAD to happen someday) I managed to get big computer stuff on the HD monitor.
I thought it was cool. My son thought it was cool. My wife? "When are you going to be done playing with that thing? I want to watch the Christmas stuff on QVC!"
*sigh*
And so I had to relinquish the HDTV for the time being. But one thing I can tell you for certain. There's no way ANYTHING from the Bethlehem Light Company could EVER be as cool as a laptop hooked up to an HDTV!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Settling In
Just a few quick words to update anyone who may possibly care...
I finally feel as though I'm getting the rhythm of the workplace. I'm getting to the point where I feel like I'm getting the right amount of work done in a given day and learning to keep up with things. What were for the first few weeks slow deliberate keystrokes are now becoming almost automatic. Hopefully, this situation will only improve. I remember when I was given the boot at WFUM I was able to whiz through ProTrack routines at an insanely rapid (yet accurate) pace. I'm also becoming better acquainted with my new co-workers... some of whom are actually quite helpful and nice.
In other news, I'm finally able to relax at home now. (i.e., when I get home, I can think about things other than work.) In short, I may actually learn to adjust to this new job and settle into some semblance of contentment.
I feel especially lucky to have a job at all here in Michigan in 2010. The latest Michigan employment figures showed no change in the unemployment rate during the past month... but that's rather deceptive. According to an analysis of the data, Michigan actually lost 50,000 jobs last month, but that this was offset by an even greater number of people simply giving up on looking for work. So I guess half my old salary is better than nothing!
So, with things settling down and the dust clearing, I hope to be able to return to posting to this blog on a more frequent and regular basis.
You've been warned.
I finally feel as though I'm getting the rhythm of the workplace. I'm getting to the point where I feel like I'm getting the right amount of work done in a given day and learning to keep up with things. What were for the first few weeks slow deliberate keystrokes are now becoming almost automatic. Hopefully, this situation will only improve. I remember when I was given the boot at WFUM I was able to whiz through ProTrack routines at an insanely rapid (yet accurate) pace. I'm also becoming better acquainted with my new co-workers... some of whom are actually quite helpful and nice.
In other news, I'm finally able to relax at home now. (i.e., when I get home, I can think about things other than work.) In short, I may actually learn to adjust to this new job and settle into some semblance of contentment.
I feel especially lucky to have a job at all here in Michigan in 2010. The latest Michigan employment figures showed no change in the unemployment rate during the past month... but that's rather deceptive. According to an analysis of the data, Michigan actually lost 50,000 jobs last month, but that this was offset by an even greater number of people simply giving up on looking for work. So I guess half my old salary is better than nothing!
So, with things settling down and the dust clearing, I hope to be able to return to posting to this blog on a more frequent and regular basis.
You've been warned.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The Glass
Much of the last eighteen months have been an excruciating mindfuck for me. From the announcement of my impending job loss to the agonizing uncertainty of when, precisely, I would be joining the ranks of the unemployed, to adjustment to a life collecting unemployment insurance (or "Jennifer Granholm Party Ca$h" as I liked to call it) to fruitless months searching for employment to - finally, in the past month - finding a job and starting over. I'm not saying I've been miserable every moment of the last year and a half; indeed, I have had many wonderful days with family and friends. It's just that there was always, nagging in the background, the constant worry about what would happen if I was unable to find a job before the unemployment benefits ran out. Like a leaky faucet, it would always be there. Sometimes other sounds would drown it out for a bit, but when things quieted down there it would be: drip... drip... drip... Will we have to move? drip... drip... drip... How will we afford healthcare? drip... drip... drip... What if our house or one of our cars has a major problem? drip... drip... drip Will we be able to properly provide for our children? drip... drip... drip...
Sure, the dripping would get annoying, but I also knew that - given enough time - dripping water can erode even the hardest granite. I could put on a brave face in the short term, but sooner or later one of two things would inevitably happen: either I would find a new job or my unemployment benefits would run out. The future course of my life would hinge on which of these was to happen.
And that's why I was thrilled to finally be offered a job in early August. True, the pay was half my old salary, but from my perspective I wasn't in any position to complain. It would be like miraculously finding a life raft as you were about to drown but then complaining that the raft wasn't as nice as the boat that sank in the first place. At that point, you're just happy you won't drown. And that's the key to this entire situation. How do you spin it in your mind? One can choose to dwell on the fact that your salary is much lower and you'll lose the benefits for which you had worked over 20 years hoping to secure. Or one can be grateful that you will avoid such calamities as foreclosure, raiding the retirement account just to pay bills or having to move your kids out of the school district they've grown to love. Me? I've been unemployed and searching for a job for so long that my old job now seems like something from a previous life. There's a recession and Genesee County is more "recessed" than nearly anywhere else in the nation. I was lucky to find anything.
Even so, however, there was the reality that I now had to start over. I was going from a position in which I had worked over two decades and had some degree of seniority to a position where I was definitely the" low guy on the totem pole" who had to learn a new job from scratch.
It wasn't fun.
Although I had lots of experience in television, when it got down to this position I was a rank beginner. The software and procedures were entirely new. The workload seemed overwhelming and there were seemingly zillions of details I had to learn. The first couple weeks were a stress-filled nightmare. It was one thing having lots of work to do. It was quite another to have lots of work to do but not being entirely sure how to DO it! The person training me, however, was not only highly competent, but was also patient. I slowly gained confidence in my ability to master the job. While I certainly know I will make some mistakes in the coming weeks, I'm now in a position where I'm learning enough about my responsibilities that I will be able to learn from them and keep improving.
I also am re-adjusting to a "work mode" schedule. Despite my best efforts to prevent it, I have to admit that six months of down-time, while good for my blood pressure, caused a bit of mental atrophy. At first, it was difficult to get used to having someone else's schedule imposed on you for much of the week. But, as with anything else, one learns to accommodate oneself to the realities of a new job.
So now my big question is: how do I handle this "new normal"? Do I curse the fact I must start over again at age 48 through no fault of my own for much lower wages or should I feel relief that I managed to find ANY sort of a job in the middle of a recession in one of the most economically depressed areas of the nation (let alone a job in a field I must grudging admit I enjoy)? In other words, is my glass half empty or half full?
After some careful consideration, on the optimism/pessimism scale, I choose to cop-out and merely state my life now is a glass in which liquid occupies 50% of the available volume. And, for now, I'm okay with that. Cursing the loss of "what might have been" will do me no good. Did I get screwed over and lied to by my former employer? Yes. Will it do me any good now to dwell on it? No. Spending time looking in the rearview mirror only makes sense if you're going backward. I choose to move forward.
Besides, if my glass was entirely full, it would mean there was no room for more. And isn't anticipation of future happiness one of the things that makes life interesting? True, my life is far from perfect, but for now I have adequate food, shelter, a happy marriage and two wonderful, smart, healthy children. And most importantly, I have gained some hope for the future. And for now, that is more than enough.
Sure, the dripping would get annoying, but I also knew that - given enough time - dripping water can erode even the hardest granite. I could put on a brave face in the short term, but sooner or later one of two things would inevitably happen: either I would find a new job or my unemployment benefits would run out. The future course of my life would hinge on which of these was to happen.
And that's why I was thrilled to finally be offered a job in early August. True, the pay was half my old salary, but from my perspective I wasn't in any position to complain. It would be like miraculously finding a life raft as you were about to drown but then complaining that the raft wasn't as nice as the boat that sank in the first place. At that point, you're just happy you won't drown. And that's the key to this entire situation. How do you spin it in your mind? One can choose to dwell on the fact that your salary is much lower and you'll lose the benefits for which you had worked over 20 years hoping to secure. Or one can be grateful that you will avoid such calamities as foreclosure, raiding the retirement account just to pay bills or having to move your kids out of the school district they've grown to love. Me? I've been unemployed and searching for a job for so long that my old job now seems like something from a previous life. There's a recession and Genesee County is more "recessed" than nearly anywhere else in the nation. I was lucky to find anything.
Even so, however, there was the reality that I now had to start over. I was going from a position in which I had worked over two decades and had some degree of seniority to a position where I was definitely the" low guy on the totem pole" who had to learn a new job from scratch.
It wasn't fun.
Although I had lots of experience in television, when it got down to this position I was a rank beginner. The software and procedures were entirely new. The workload seemed overwhelming and there were seemingly zillions of details I had to learn. The first couple weeks were a stress-filled nightmare. It was one thing having lots of work to do. It was quite another to have lots of work to do but not being entirely sure how to DO it! The person training me, however, was not only highly competent, but was also patient. I slowly gained confidence in my ability to master the job. While I certainly know I will make some mistakes in the coming weeks, I'm now in a position where I'm learning enough about my responsibilities that I will be able to learn from them and keep improving.
I also am re-adjusting to a "work mode" schedule. Despite my best efforts to prevent it, I have to admit that six months of down-time, while good for my blood pressure, caused a bit of mental atrophy. At first, it was difficult to get used to having someone else's schedule imposed on you for much of the week. But, as with anything else, one learns to accommodate oneself to the realities of a new job.
So now my big question is: how do I handle this "new normal"? Do I curse the fact I must start over again at age 48 through no fault of my own for much lower wages or should I feel relief that I managed to find ANY sort of a job in the middle of a recession in one of the most economically depressed areas of the nation (let alone a job in a field I must grudging admit I enjoy)? In other words, is my glass half empty or half full?
After some careful consideration, on the optimism/pessimism scale, I choose to cop-out and merely state my life now is a glass in which liquid occupies 50% of the available volume. And, for now, I'm okay with that. Cursing the loss of "what might have been" will do me no good. Did I get screwed over and lied to by my former employer? Yes. Will it do me any good now to dwell on it? No. Spending time looking in the rearview mirror only makes sense if you're going backward. I choose to move forward.
Besides, if my glass was entirely full, it would mean there was no room for more. And isn't anticipation of future happiness one of the things that makes life interesting? True, my life is far from perfect, but for now I have adequate food, shelter, a happy marriage and two wonderful, smart, healthy children. And most importantly, I have gained some hope for the future. And for now, that is more than enough.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Yow.
Just a quick note to let you know I'm not dead. The last week or so has been very intense at my new job. There are lots of new things to learn and I'm trying my best to cram all that new information into my tiny brain. When I get home at night I'm generally too pooped to do much else. Hopefully, as I get the hang of the new job I'll settle down enough to start writing regularly again. In the meantime, please be patient...
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