John O'Cyde's Ramblings

Sign of the Times

2012-01-08T11:25:00.001-08:00

This, I presume, implies their competitors' customers are some sort of inferior stale lukewarm coffee. Or something.
(Sign at a Marathon station in Davison, MI. January 2012.)

Imponderable

2011-12-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

Something that has long puzzled me: the Book of Revelation was written somewhere around 70 AD or so. LSD wasn't invented until 1943.
The fact that something THAT fucked-up could have been written without the help of acid is TRULY a miracle!

Still Kicking

2011-11-27T12:53:00.001-08:00

Life can certainly get dull if all one does is work and/or recover from and get ready for more work. There’s a part of me that craves a creative outlet, though time constraints often prevent any efforts in that direction. It is for that reason, therefore, that I am happy to have actually written a new song… my first in many, many months. I don’t really know if it’s any good or not and I likely won’t get any feedback until I get a chance to play the demo to my fellow Ice Halo bandmates next weekend, but it just feels good to have written something… anything!... again.

The New Front Line in the Culture Wars: The Janitor's Closet!

2011-09-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

In my new incarnation as a janitor at a medical institution (one in which yours truly has recently won an award for best cleaning of patient rooms, thank you very much) my workday begins and ends with a trip to the janitor's closet. Throughout my worklife, I have seen more of these closets than I’d like to admit. They are all pretty much the same. There’s a sink in the corner with a drain for pouring out filthy pail water at the end of the day. There are racks on the walls for hanging dust mops and brooms. There are shelves for boxes of trash bags and various cleaning solvents. And they are almost universally too small. Even the closet at my prestigious institution is so small that once the cleaning cart is parked inside one must squeeze around it to access the supply shelves. So imagine my surprise when I heard there was a move afoot by a state legislative group (in Virginia, to be precise, but the movement has to start somewhere and if it catches on in Virginia, then it will surely spread to our beloved Great Lakes State eventually) designed to tackle the problem of small janitor’s closets! Who are these wonderful people? Obviously some sort of commie pinko labor-loving outfit that wanted to “stick it to the man” by symbolically reforming the most lowly physical manifestation of the working environment, right?
Well, no. Actually the folks advocating this reform are Conservative Republicans.
Republicans?
As Ned Flanders might say, that’s a real head-scratcher, right there. I thought these people were against government regulations in the workplace. But who am I to be so prejudiced? Maybe they just started to feel sorry for the lowly blue collar working stiffs and decided to give us poor janitors a break. Or perhaps (and more likely) they’re getting huge campaign contributions from large corporate donors who make janitor’s closets. Dunno. Either way, we’re gonna get bigger closets, so who cares?
But wait. These Republicans don’t want to have these regulations for janitor’s closets at all workplaces. Just certain ones.
What? Well, okay… maybe there are some places that are too small to be able to afford to re-do their existing janitor’s closets. Some small mom & pop companies, perhaps. So I guess I could see why the Republicans would want to give these smaller places a break. But still, maybe the rest of us who work in larger (and richer) places will soon get our palatial 50-square-foot janitor’s closets! Right?
Well, no. Not exactly. The regulations aren’t based on the size of the company, but on what type of facility they are. Specifically, medical institutions.
Well, that kinda sucks for about 90% of the janitorial workforce out there, but for those people like me who earn their bread cleaning medical facilities, it’s still something I can look forward to, huh?
Nope.
Not all medical facilities will be required to expand their janitor’s closets.
Okay… so which ones WILL be required to expand them?
Only medical facilities that provide abortion services.

Uh…huh.

So… Republicans are against intrusive government regulations on grounds that such regulations would inhibit the ability of employers to do what they do. Unless the Republicans happen to disagree with what those employers happen to do. In which case it’s fine to pile on as many costly regulations as possible just to be a pain in the ass.
So… I guess they don’t really care about us lowly janitors at all and we’ll have to live with our cluttered closets forever and ever amen.
Unless we work at an abortion clinic.
Their closets will be awesome!

Fuck the Republicans!

September Haiku

2011-09-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

Trees in new colors
Know that it's fall, but the sky
Still thinks it's summer.

The New Migrant Workers

2011-09-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

A strange thing is happening here in the Flint area. Something that has happened to me and now, I notice, to many others ‘round our beloved Buick City. We live here, but no longer work here.

When I finally managed to snag a job in Ann Arbor, I thought I was the only one who had to drive over an hour to my place of employment. That’s not true, as it turns out. In my own neighborhood, the lady across the street who once also worked in Flint, now has to commute to Bay City for her job. Another neighbor goes past Lansing. One must drive to Pontiac. Others in the area, I’m told, are forced to commute as far away as Grand Rapids and Mount Pleasant! It seems we have become a force of migrant workers, though unlike the agricultural laborers usually associated with that phrase, we drive back home at night. And if the others are anything like me, they will generally have just enough time to eat dinner and get ready for the next workday. Time for relaxation, socializing and puttering around the house are at a minimum.

I suppose one could reasonably ask why the hell we don’t simply move closer to where our jobs are. That’s a fair enough question but I think it has a reasonable answer. First of all, trying to sell a house in the Flint-area market would be an exercise in frustration. It’s not as though Flint is a hotbed of real estate activity. Trying to sell a house in this environment would be like trying to sell Playgirl subscriptions at a Lesbian convention. It just ain’t gonna happen.
Second, and more importantly, many of those working far from home have spouses and/or other household members who still have Flint-area jobs. Moving closer to one job would mean moving farther away from the other.
Finally, at least in my own case, there are children involved. My own children are enrolled in the Davison Public School District. Pulling them out would not only disrupt their personal and social lives, but that particular school district is doing a fantastic job educating our children. They are thriving both academically and socially. For me, my long drive is a sacrifice worth making for the sake of my children. Moving would disrupt and most likely hinder their educational progress.

And so I make the commute. As do others. We do this to earn a living. All the while the teabaggers call working people lazy and overpaid.

I keep hearing talk of class warfare. Honestly, I wish it was true. I’m so frustrated with what we working people have to deal with. I’m usually peaceful, but I think it’s time to stir things up a bit. I’m ready for some war.

But it won’t happen. We’re nothing but a bunch of stupid sheep.

Just waiting to get fleeced.

And sliced into lamb chops.

Rain...

2011-09-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

It seems the older I get the more I appreciate the sound of a gentle rain shower.

Apologies in Advance...

2011-08-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, someone with too much time on their hands was pondering the name of a popular craft store chain.
“Have you ever noticed,” he remarked to a friend “that despite the name of the store their buildings don’t actually have a lobby?”
“So?” replied the friend.
“SO?!? I think that’s an outrage and something ought to be done about it!”
“Like what?” asked the friend.
“Like I’m going to hire some people to make my argument to Congress until this injustice is rectified!”
“You mean…”
“That’s right! I’m going to start a Hobby Lobby Lobby Lobby!”

Things is Changin'

2011-08-08T17:02:00.000-07:00

Last night, I watched the premiere of a science series called “Curiosity” on the Discovery channel. The title of the first episode was “Did God Create the Universe?” Nothing like starting out with a bang (a “Big” one, at that… yuk, yuk). I watched, expecting the usual watered-down mush in which the hard science is played down for fear of offending the religious sensibilities of some viewers. But I was pleasantly surprised to see that this series did no such thing. The answer the program gave to the titular question was a resounding “No!”
The fact that a leading scientist (in this case, Stephen Hawking) didn’t invoke a divine creator is nothing new, of course. The fact that this was presented clearly on a mainstream cable channel, however, is. That this has happened at all, I think, is one of those quiet milestones the ramifications of which will not be appreciated until much later. I couldn’t imagine something like this ever having aired even ten years ago. Things are changing. Atheism, if not exactly yet mainstream, is at least emerging to the point at which it can be mentioned in polite company. It’s no longer something to be ashamed of or to be kept hidden.
And that’s a change I welcome.

Even When I TRY to be Good, I'm Evil

2011-08-04T16:46:00.000-07:00

Admittedly, my position as a custodian in a hospital isn’t the most glamorous gig around, but I at least was under the impression that what I was doing was helpful to people. If I do a good job cleaning a hospital room, I figure, the chances of them getting an infection are reduced. What could be bad about that?
Hospitals are places people can go to get better. That’s a good thing. Right?
Well, maybe not. No less a person than Mohandas K. Gandhi had a rather strong opinion about hospitals. Writing in 1909, Gandhi said the following:

“Hospitals are the instruments that the Devil has been using for his own purpose, in order to keep his hold on his kingdom. They perpetuate vice, misery and degradation, and real slavery.”

What??? I work at an instrument of the Devil? Damn! And here I was TRYING to be good for a change. I guess I just can’t get away from being evil.

Still, seeing as I’m now in league with Satan, I’d think the guy downstairs would have a little more clout in getting me a better parking space at work. I’m just sayin’…

Duh

2011-08-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the answers to some of life’s problems stare you in the face on a daily basis. Even so, some people are too damned stupid or stubborn (me, for instance) to apply this knowledge which is so easily accessible.
One such lesson is that a positive attitude makes life better. In my job at the hospital, I see this all the time. I work in the cardiac intensive care unit. In order to be a patient there, you have to be in rather dire physical shape. So, while the condition of those in the ICU is usually similar, the reaction of those patients to their situation varies widely.
Some of the patients have an extremely negative attitude to their predicament. This is completely understandable. Having severe heart problems and recovering from highly invasive heart surgery is not only physically painful, it is also mentally draining. These negative patients react by complaining, refusing to follow the directions of the medical professionals and generally being whiney. Again, I can’t really blame them. Their situation IS rather far removed from rainbows and sunshine.
But not all patients react that way. There are other patients who react in a more positive manner. Remarkably, these people are all smiles despite their pain. They’re talkative, happy and pleasant to be around. Rather than dwelling on the fact that their ticker is defective, they are grateful to have the opportunity to have the problem corrected as much as medical science is able and to have the chance to improve and recover. And what I have frequently noticed – with often dramatic regularity - is that those with a positive attitude usually recover far more quickly than their negative counterparts. From what I’ve observed this isn’t merely a case of people being happier than others because they’re less sick in the first place and thus would have recovered more quickly anyway. These happy, positive patients start out just as physically messed up as the negative ones. It really seems their attitude helps them improve more quickly.
I can only speculate as to why this appears to be the case. Perhaps the more positive patients are more likely to do what the doctors and nurses recommend, even if it’s inconvenient or physically painful. Following these directions could lead to more rapid improvement. Perhaps there’s some physical benefit to be gained from a positive outlook in and of itself. Maybe a good mental outlook somehow promotes physical well-being. (Or, as Funkadelic said much more bluntly, maybe it’s a case of “Free your mind and your ass will follow.”) Again, I’m merely guessing as to the mechanism, but I’ve seen it work so often I must assume there’s at least inductive evidence for the phenomenon.
Which brings me back to me.
You’d think that someone such as myself, who pretends to be at least somewhat intelligent, would – after making such observations – attempt to apply them to his own life.
Ah, but I am an idiot in that regard. I seem to dwell on the negative in spite of myself. Rather than being thankful that I have a job and can pay my bills on time, I dwell on the fact that I have to drive over 60 miles one way to my job (which is long enough in good weather but which can become nightmarish in the winter), am often – due to traffic congestion - away from home 12 hours each workday and constantly have to struggle with the nearly nonexistent parking in Ann Arbor.
These are real concerns and obstacles I have to deal with and feeling stressed about them is a natural reaction. But the people in the intensive care unit are dealing with real issues as well. But some of them deal with it in a positive manner. And they’re the ones who thrive and get better. Why can’t I seem to apply that to my own life? Sure, working far from home may suck, but what if I didn’t have that job at all? I have a regular salary – not as much as I once made, but enough to pay the bills. I have healthcare coverage for myself and my family. I have a nice home and a dependable wife and wonderful children. The people I work with seem to genuinely appreciate the quality of my work and are quite nice to me. I have a lot to live for and much to be thankful for. And maybe, just maybe, if I make an effort to try to be more positive, things will get better. Perhaps something external will change. Or maybe the happiness will be its own reward. I don’t know. And I can’t promise I can make such a change without setbacks or problems.
But I can try.
And if others try to bring me down, perhaps the most revolutionary thing I can do is stay positive in spite of them. It will, at any rate, drive them nuts. And that may be the most positive outcome of all.

A Nutter Haiku

2011-07-31T13:59:00.000-07:00

Staredown with a squirrel:
Although I look away first,
I call it a draw.

Pilgrimage

2011-07-26T14:35:00.001-07:00

In the Trivial Pursuit "The 1960’s" edition, one of the cards asks the question “Who was the second American to orbit the Earth?” The answer given on the reverse of the card is “Wally Schirra”. That answer is wrong. The second American to orbit the Earth was, in fact, M. Scott Carpenter who, on May 24, 1962, orbited our planet three times in the Aurora 7 spacecraft. (For those of you keeping track, Wally Schirra was the third American in Earth orbit.)
Of the original seven Mercury astronauts, Carpenter is the one who fascinates me the most. Although he was a badass military test pilot (as were all the Mercury seven) there was an extra dimension to his personality. Whereas some of the others were so mission-driven they seemed almost caricatures of hard-nosed no-nonsense military types, Carpenter seemed fascinated with the human element of space flight. (And also of exploration in general, since he went on to participate in the Sealab underwater test project.) When one listens to the in-flight recordings from the Aurora 7 mission, one gets a more genuine sense of what it actually felt like to be on a Mercury flight. Suffice to say the Aurora 7 flight has always had a special place in my already space-loving heart.
For that reason, when our family decided to take a week long trip to Chicago for vacation, I knew that a trip to the Museum of Science and Industry was a must for me. The reason? The Aurora 7 spacecraft is there, located at the museum’s Henry Crown Space Center.
For me, this was more than a simple “Cool! There’s the space capsule!” trip. It was, in a very real sense, a pilgrimage. In the same way religious people are emotionally drawn to religious relics and artifacts (and in some cases artifictions – sorry, I couldn’t resist getting in a dig at religion) the Aurora 7 spacecraft, to me, represents a physical, tangible link to a powerful idea – that humans should use technology and science to explore the unknown - and a magnificent achievement in human history. It, to me, is my fragment of the One True Cross, my Holy Grail, my Ark of the Covenant.
And best of all, it’s real and I know where it is. And – last week – I got to see it with my own two eyes. (And I’d say I got to touch it, as well, but that’s not allowed so I’ll simply maintain silence on that point on grounds it may incriminate me. Suffice to say there’s a small space where the plastic shell doesn’t entirely cover the spacecraft and my fingers have been known to slip on occasion.) :-)
Chicago has a lot of wonderful things: skyscrapers, amazing deep-dish pizzas, Italian beef sandwiches, the fantastic evolution exhibit at the Field Museum, fish, fish and more fish at the Shedd Aquarium, but for me, the best thing in Chicago is a metal object 11.5 feet tall by 6.2 feet wide. Aurora 7 is what transformed my trip to Chicago from a vacation into a pilgrimage.

Traffic

2011-07-25T06:58:00.000-07:00

Just a quick observation on this, my final day in Chicago.

I've noticed there is a different dynamic between motorists and pedestrians depending on where you are:

In Flint, a motorist will run over a pedestrian without a second thought. The pedestrians realize this and there are no problems.
In Ann Arbor, pedestrians expect to be given the right of way. The motorists realize this and there are no problems.
In Chicago, motorists will, without a second thought, run over pedestrians who expect the right of way. This results in a type of meat-grinder traffic chaos I've seldom experienced.

How I look forward to my serene Davison Township subdivision. Nothing on the street but the occasional tardy mail truck...

Hitting the Pavement

2011-07-18T06:31:00.000-07:00

There are times when arguments that sound good in theory are horrible when actually carried into practice. Like the Republican insistence that the Federal debt limit should not be raised without cutting the deficit. Sure, it sounds reasonable. The government is spending more than it’s bringing in already and it now wants to be able to borrow more. This, therefore, would appear to be a good time to examine spending priorities and to develop strategies both to contain future expenditures and to pay down the existing debt. Except the Republicans want to somehow magically pay down this debt without actually… uh... paying down the debt. They want to cut spending but not raise taxes. But without raising taxes, how can the debt be paid off?
Let me put it in personal terms. If my credit card debt were out of control, it wouldn’t be enough to simply say I’ll fix the problem by living on Ramen noodles and tap water because they’re cheaper. I would also have to – you know – actually make payments on the debt I’ve already racked up. If I fail to do that, any statement on my part that I really, really, really want to eliminate my credit card debt would be disingenuous. Munching Ramen, while symbolic in an ashes-and-sackcloth sort of way, does nothing to actually reduce my existing debt. The only way to do that would be to make the move of setting aside a larger share of my income and applying it toward paying it down. And while this would be painful for awhile, doing so would be beneficial in the long run. Since once I’m free from debt, I could actually start saving money for cool things I really want to do or buy.
But the Republicans don’t seem to get that. These same people who appear so eager to slash medical and Social Security benefits for the poor and working classes somehow find tax loopholes for gazillionaire oil companies, owners of corporate jets and racehorses sacrosanct. I may not be the brightest bulb on the marquee when it comes to figuring out politics, but when it comes to figuring out whose side these people are on, I sure as hell know it isn’t mine.
When pondering the Republican position on the debt ceiling, I couldn’t help but think of a recent incident in upstate New York. It seems there was a group of motorcyclists who didn’t like the state law requiring them to wear helmets while riding. They felt it was an infringement on their personal freedom. So they had a rally in which they defiantly rode their cycles without helmets. While on this protest ride, one of the cyclists lost control, flew over his handlebars and smashed his head on the pavement with fatal results. Had he been wearing a helmet, authorities stated, he likely would have survived.
Lofty-sounding pronouncements in favor of individual rights and liberties do little to alter the fact that riding a motorcycle without a helmet is a profoundly stupid thing to do. And that, to me, is the perfect analogy to the entire Republican/tea party platform: nice-sounding arguments which, if carried out, would lead to disastrous results.
The Republican willingness to let the US Government default on its loans rather than have the rich pay their fair share of taxes shows me that they’re not serious about deficit reduction. They’re only serious about protecting the rich. They like feeling the wind flow through their hair as they ride. It’s the feeling of freedom.
And if the poor and working classes get their heads splattered on the pavement as a consequence, they can console themselves knowing they were martyrs in the cause of liberty.

WAY TO GO, NEW YORK!

2011-06-26T16:17:00.000-07:00

I was thrilled with the news that the state of New York has decided to legalize same-sex marriage, not only because I think it is the right thing to do in the name of equal rights, but also because it will piss off and annoy people whom I think should be pissed off and annoyed more often. And while I’m certain many gay men and Lesbians in the Empire state will be in a celebratory mood, this straight Michigander will also derive much enjoyment listening to the whining warning cries of impending hellfire and brimstone from those who still hold the medieval anti-gay views which are now slowly – thankfully and hopefully – disappearing from the political landscape.
One of the canards always dragged out by these morons is that the union of gays in matrimony will somehow destroy the "sanctity" of straight marriage. Strangely, however, I have never heard a satisfactory explanation as to why that supposedly will happen. If a couple guys in Albany tie the knot will a happily married straight couple in Binghamton suddenly decide to split? I just don’t get it. It’s all a flaming (pardon the pun) non-sequitur to me. Not that any arguments of the religious right have ever made any sense to me.
If the study of history has taught me anything, it’s that in the long-term the course of human history tends toward more tolerance, enlightenment and freedom. This is not to say there aren’t interludes of horrible intolerance, violence, oppression and injustice on massive scales, but I am a firm believer in the notion that overall, despite the inevitable setbacks along the way, things will –with sometimes glacial slowness – get better. I don’t think I’m being a naïve and hopeless optimist in this view. I think it is borne out by realistically looking at historical trends. And for that reason, I am hopeful that anti-gay bigotry will one day be as rare as defenses of slavery are today.
And so I salute the people of New York for making a small step in the history of tolerance and the improvement of humanity.
Life can sometimes be hard, cruel and unfair. So if there are things we can do to make our time on this planet a little happier for someone during the short time we are alive, why not do them? What makes my neighbor happy may not be my cup o’tea, but so what? He or she may not be into what I like. But if we can both learn to follow our dreams without hurting the other guy, we will both be better off. Life is too short for hate. And if you believe your god tells you to hate, perhaps you should tell your god to fuck off.
For if the choice is really between divinely-inspired hate and human-inspired love, I’ll vote for love - any kind of love - every time.

The Beat Goes On

2011-04-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

Seeing as I'm getting older, and also seeing as I'm fortunate to have decent health insurance, I decided to have a medical checkup. At the checkup, my doctor found what he called a "slight irregularity" in my EKG. He said it was likely nothing to worry about, but as a precaution, he sent me to a cardiologist to get a stress test just to make sure.
It turned out that my ticker is perfectly fine. The stress test confirmed that. Personally, I think all the wires they had hooked up to me were superfluous. I figure if the stress test didn't kill me right then and there, my heart is fine.
I hope to be able to post more in the weeks to come.

Haiku

2011-03-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

First robin of spring
Singing - unaware of the
Approaching blizzard

Three Weeks. Two Deaths.

2011-02-17T10:19:00.000-08:00

2011 has not been a good year.
Three weeks ago, my mother-in-law died. My wife was devastated at the loss of her mother. Though I tried my best to comfort her, I felt pretty inadequate to the task.
Yesterday, my mom's husband died suddenly. (They married after I was already an adult and was on my own, so "stepdad" doesn't seem the right word somehow.) My mom was devastated at the loss and again I felt quite ineffective in my attempts to make her feel at least a bit better.
Socially and emotionally awkward as I am, I'm not good with all the raw emotional stuff: the crying, the hurting, the slow eventual healing. I have a difficult time embracing the fact that these are part of the human condition and must slowly play themselves out. It is not a "problem" that I can somehow "fix". Despite my best intentions, I cannot somehow "save the day" and make everything better for the people I love.
As an atheist, I don't really grieve for those who have died. As far as I can determine, their suffering is over and they no longer exist except in the memories of those who knew them. It's the people left behind for whom I'm sad.
So since I'm not much good at the weepy aspects of the entire mourning thing, I suppose I could try to do something I feel more confident at: writing about the people who have recently died.

My mother-in-law, Lillian Caputo, was born in northern Ontario over 80 years ago. She spoke only French until the age of 16. She grew up impoverished and remained that way until moving to Montreal as a teen to find work and a better life. She married and the family moved to the United States where her husband's mechanical skills were in demand. They lived the typical idyllic 1960's suburban lifestyle. All was well until her husband died of cancer mere months shy of being able to collect a generous General Motors pension. Suddenly faced with having to raise her youngest daughter (eventually to become my wife) on Social Security, she used all her resources to make sure they would be okay. She was smart with her money and she took good care of my wife-to-be through her teen years until I snatched her away. Lillian not only took good care of her daughter, she also felt sorry for me, often feeding me ample meals during my broke student years so I wouldn't have to survive merely on macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles.
She was also extremely handy with tools and had an artistic side which I wish she would have explored. When we bought our house years ago, she was the one who helped my wife paint the place while I was at work. I remember once when she bought a folk-art painting and wire piece. Her thrifty nature started bugging her and she decided she could make one just like it for much less. And she did. Perfectly. Her recreation of the piece was so spot-on it was indistinguishable from the original. So she returned it, got her money back and kept her identical copy.
Lillian was generous with her time and money. A gift from her made a huge dent in the down payment on our house. The best gift she left, however, was her daughter. Lillian made sure that her daughter Leanne grew up to be a healthy and happy and confident young woman who became a loving wife and attentive mother. And in that sense, though Lillian is now gone, her legacy remains.

My mom's husband, Chuck Franklin, was 60-years-old. I don't know too much about his early life because I never bothered to ask. I know he served in the military in Germany for a few years and then worked various jobs from furniture sales to long-distance driver. He ate, smoked and drank a lot. He had some failed marriages. Then he met my mom. To say that their pairing was unlikely is an understatement to anyone who knew them. But somehow they meshed. Chuck got his life together, stopped smoking and drinking and tried his best to watch his diet. After awhile my mom and Chuck were married. Though Chuck was over a decade younger than my mom, he seemed to have a premonition that he would die first. He accepted that in a matter-of-fact manner, saying that his marriage had added 15 years to his life regardless.
Anyone who knew Chuck would be struck by his sense of humor, his genuine warmth and kindness once you got to know him and - most of all - his uncanny culinary abilities. Chuck was perhaps the best cook I have ever known in all my life. I would look forward to each Thanksgiving for some of his delicious stuffing, mashed potatoes (he always made a huge quantity knowing I loved them) and amazing chocolate pies. Thanksgiving will never be the same from now on. I remember one time I was at my mom's for no real reason. I was probably just dropping something off or just stopping by to say hello or something. Out of the blue Chuck asked if I'd like some pan-seared steak. Not being one to turn down such an offer, I readily accepted. The steak was delicious, of course, but more surprising was the side dish: mushrooms. Normally, I view those fungi as the tasteless gray mass one usually tolerates on pizzas. I didn't really want to eat them, but I figured since Chuck went through all that trouble I should at least be polite and choke them down. But as I took that first bite: a revelation! THESE mushrooms were not only tolerable, they were delicious! In fact to this day that serving of mushrooms was among the best things I've eaten in my life. No mushrooms before had ever come close... and I suppose none ever shall again.
I have many other nice memories of Chuck - his attempt to show the finer points of trout fishing to my outdoors-challenged son - the time he took us to the Soo to see the locks and the museum ship there. But damned if those mushrooms don't keep popping back into my memory. I suppose there's a lesson in there somewhere. What for Chuck may have been a simple act of kindness, a mere cooking of a steak, something that he might have forgotten about even doing shortly thereafter, became an event that helped define who he was and became one of the fondest memories of him after his death.

So I suppose if you ever feel like doing something nice for someone - even something small - please do it. It may be what you're remembered for after you're gone.

And there I must end things. I have to go to the Post Office to pick up my mother-in-law's ashes.
As I said: 2011 has not been a good year.

1,240 Days...

2011-02-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

...until I qualify for full retirement benefits. Not that I'm keeping track.

Welcome Back to an Old Friend

2011-01-12T10:53:00.000-08:00

Back in the early 1980's I purchased a shortwave radio at a pawnshop for $35. I enjoyed many hours listening to it. As the years went by, I had acquired a few more radios though the demands of school and work took up much of the time I had once devoted to shortwave listening. Once, while spending the night at my grandmother's place, I'd got out the old radio and spent some time listening to it. My grandma mentioned how much she enjoyed listening to the music broadcast by Radio Havana, so I let her borrow the old pawnshop radio.
Many years went by. I forgot about that old radio until the August afternoon a few years back when I got the news that my grandmother had died. While going through her belongings, I saw the old radio and decided I may as well take it back. A quick tryout of the radio revealed that while it still picked up FM signals just fine, it no longer received AM or shortwave stations. I put it in a closet and forgot about it again.
Until a few weeks ago. While doing some internet surfing about another old shortwave radio I once had, I found that the radio I had sitting in the basement, a Panasonic RF-2200, was now considered a classic and was selling for upwards of $250 in eBay in working condition. Apparently, although it's an analog model, it had gained a reputation over the years as being one of the best-sounding AM and shortwave receivers ever made. I very seldom have that kind of luck! If that wasn't motivation to get the old beast working again, nothing was!
And so, I put my minimal experience to work trying to figure out what was wrong with it. To make a long story short (and to try to conceal the fact that I really didn't know what the hell I was doing) I finally - after the application of much compressed air and contact cleaner to some old dials and switches -got the old Panasonic to once again spring to life. And what I heard was lovely! Shortwave and AM stations were booming in with a warm tone unmatched by my more expensive digital radios. I've spent quite a bit of time recently getting reacquainted with this once-forgotten friend. It's like I'm in 1982 again.
Though much in my life has changed since I first listened to the RF-2200, it's nice to know that some things endure. And it's also nice to know that although life is often unfair, occasionally it's unfair in my favor.

At Least She Didn't Say "Used Car Salesman"... Or "Axe Murderer"

2011-01-04T11:22:00.000-08:00

As I was getting a haircut today, the lady barber asked me "Are you a physical therapist by chance?"
"No", I replied. "Why?"
"I don't know. You just look like someone who'd be a physical therapist."

I suppose I could have asked some fairly obvious follow-up questions at that point, but it would have ruined the strangely bemused feeling I was enjoying.

Sometimes life is more fun when you just enjoy the weirdness.

I Miss Radio Peking

2010-12-28T17:02:00.000-08:00

Way back in the mists of ancient history (the 1970's, to be precise) I saved my money from an after-school job and bought a shortwave radio. It was a beautiful Panasonic portable with a large speaker and warm tone (and which still works... Hmmm...Now that I think of it, I kind of miss it. I should "borrow" it back from my mom).
Anyhoo, back in those pre-Internet-access days, one of the best ways to get international news was through international broadcasting. And many governments - especially those in the Eastern bloc (you know... the Commies) used shortwave's propaganda value to its fullest. Radio Moscow was omnipresent on the airwaves and other stations of the pinko variety (Radio Prague, Radio Tirana, Radio Kiev, etc.) were constantly blaring the party line to all who cared to listen. Among the stations putting forth their hardline socialist doctrine was Radio Peking. Before the beginning of their broadcasts, they would play an interval signal based on the song "The East is Red". (For those of you not familiar with shortwave listening, an interval signal is an audio cue distinctive to each station - usually in the form of a short musical snippet - to let you know you were listening to the right station and to allow you to adjust the tuning. In the days of analog tuners, this was a helpful device.)
Anyway, the years have passed, Radio Peking is now Radio Beijing and the once fierce Communist propaganda has been replaced by insipid imitations of Western-style morning chat shows more fitting what has become the manufacturing arm of Wal-Mart, Apple, Caterpillar and - well, hell, damn near every corporation in the West. While I certainly don't condone the past repression of the Chinese people by the Communist party, I'm not certain what has replaced it is all that great either.
To me, the collaboration between the new Chinese Communists and Western Capitalists seems like an "understanding" between rival gangs one might see in a mafia movie. Differences are put aside in the interest of making more money for those at the apex of both organizations. Why the fuck should Apple give a shit about internet censorship (and that of other media - e.g. - China's jamming of foreign radio broadcasts) as long as their workers make iPhones for cheap? Freedom? Naw... think different.
I know. I'm rambling. And since I'm being honest about that fact, I may as well ramble back to "The East is Red" for no particular reason. That particular tune, I'm told, is a traditional Chinese song which was repurposed for the glorification of Chairman Mao in the 1960's as part of a musical production of that title. The musical is awesomely, breathtakingly, over-the-fucking-top, horrible propaganda. Naturally, I love it. The opening sequence is by far the best. In the filmed version of the production, a choir of about 80-zillion singers belts out inspiring lyrics such as:

Red in the East rises the sun
China has brought forth a Mao Tsetung
He works for the people's welfare
He is the people's savior

(I'd like to point out as an aside that lyrics such as these seem to bear out the contention made by the so-called "new atheists" that these Communist nations were less atheistic than they were secular religions. God wasn't dead, he had simply adopted a new name and address. Okay, now back to the musical...)
As if things couldn't get any more drastic, bombastic and propagandic, hundreds of wholesome-looking fan-bearing Commie dancing girls swirl around the stage as the music reaches an orgasmic climax with lyrics such as:

The Communist Party is like the sun
Wherever it shines there is light
Wherever the Communist Party goes
There the people are liberated

The happy Commiegirls look dreamily off into the distance where they can see the bright future which awaits their offspring (their progeny making crappy Happy Meal toys in a shitty sweatshop in the outskirts of Shanghai perhaps wasn't what they were expecting, though).
Compared to this iron-fisted slab o'propaganda, anything Broadway has done since the history of forever is complete shit. THIS is a REAL musical, dammit! True, anything after the first six minutes is disposable crap, but that opening number redeems it a thousandfold. Watch it. Be amazed.
And that, I suppose, is why I miss Radio Peking. Back then, China was... you know... CHINA. Something different. Exotic. Even strange, in a way. Not the place name stamped on countless pieces of cheap plastic crap. Not the place to where all our manufacturing jobs made a long march. Maybe someday China will be truly free and not merely a source of cheap labor. In the meantime, though, we can always look back on these relics of the past. I mean, after all, if you're going to live in a repressive totalitarian nation, you may as well do the propaganda right.

Yep. It Was THAT Bad!

2010-11-28T17:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at work, I was cleaning patient rooms. The day started off with two of the patients - uh - let's just say they were mobility impaired and didn't quite reach the restroom facilities in time. Yours truly got to clean it up. And it wasn't just urine. (I'll keep it at that to keep from getting TOO graphic.)
While cleaning it up, I couldn't help but think the following: here I am, cleaning filth off bathroom floors after driving to Ann Arbor to work. And I'm STILL far happier than I was working at that commercial TV station!!!
At least working at the hospital I get compliments, positive feedback and nice words from the people there. I'm actually treated as a human being and not some worthless cog in some remorseless money-making behemoth.
Oh... and I finally got my work uniform. It's more functional than stylish, but DAMN... do I ever look blue-collar-union in that blue shirt and navy work pants!

Pincushion

2010-11-23T07:47:00.000-08:00

Working in a hospital is different from anything I've ever done before. I'm doing custodial work, which I've done earlier in my life, but in a hospital, things are more extreme. When cleaning an elementary school, a screw-up will merely mean things will be aesthetically unappealing for awhile. In a hospital, doing a sloppy job could mean a resistant germ could literally kill the next person who ends up in a given room. But hey, no pressure.
Actually, I like to try to do a good job in any position I work, so I don't mind the challenge. In the few days I've been working so far, I have received unsolicited positive comments from nurses and receptionists telling me they thought I was doing a good job and that they liked my work ethic. After three months of getting nearly constant crap from the management at my previous job, that did some good for my wounded self-esteem.
Another thing that makes working at a hospital different is the need to monitor one's health - both for the sake of the patients (so they don't catch anything from you in their often immuno-compromised state) and for you (so you don't catch any germies from a sick patient). Rubber gloves and oceans of Purel help to some extent, but I also had to have a health screening and shots.
It's strange going from a situation where I was concerned about losing all health coverage to being pampered in that department. It is in the interest both of my employer and myself for me to be immunized. And so yesterday, I became a human pincushion. Five needle pokes. And then I worked my shift. Today, my arms are sore. But I don't mind. I will now be safe from the flu, diphtheria, hepatitis B, whooping cough and probably rabies, distemper and heartworms.
As a 32-hour employee, I'm now enjoying my three days off. Not bad. I work hard while I'm at work, but I'm a slacker at heart. I have a long list of things I'm supposed to be doing on this day off. Typing in my blog was not one of them.
Oh, well...

What a Strange Year!

2010-11-17T12:03:00.000-08:00

I certainly hope 2011 will be far less eventful than 2010 has been.
As those of you who have been following my scribblings for the past few months will know, I lost my job at the end of January. I was unemployed until early August, at which time I landed a job with a local commercial television station. The three months I worked there were probably the most miserable 90 days in my entire life. The management there treated me like dirt. They were, to put it bluntly, complete assholes. I was able to secure employment as a Unit Custodian at the University of Michigan Medical Center in Ann Arbor and was therefore able to resign from the TV station. I have only worked at this new position for a few days, but I think once I "learn the ropes" and figure out how the job goes I will do well. The commute is a bit long, but when the weather is good I actually find it relaxing. I can listen to audio books on CD and to NPR which makes the drive rather enjoyable. Also, I am now a member of AFSCME, which doesn't hurt salary-wise. I'm making more per hour than at the TV station, am treated better and enjoy the work. After sitting behind a desk for 26 years I think doing some actual physical labor will likely do me some good.
I do hope to eventually be able to find something at University of Michigan-Flint so that the commute won't be quite as long, (and the parking situation not so insane) but for the time being, I think I'll get by. Some good things: my retirement account will be reactivated, my health insurance will resume and my vacation accrual will start again.
I hope to be able to resume writing on a more regular basis. No job is perfect, but this one certainly can't be worse than my last one!

$ecularism Win$

2010-09-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

Here in Michigan, it is currently illegal to purchase alcohol on Sunday mornings or on December 25. This antiquated temporal prohibition has its roots in a time when this nation fancied itself as more religious. At least when it came to those religions that just happened to celebrate their services on Sunday mornings and the birth of their savior on December 25.
It seems, however, these relics of a simpler, more monocultural (and repressive) time are about to go the way of the unicorn and cockatrice. (Both are animals mentioned in the Bible. And if they're in the Bible, they MUST have been real, right?)
From what I'm hearing on news reports, our state's legislators, faced with shrinking revenues and budget difficulties, have realized that more time for liquor sales will mean more tax dollars for the state and more potential sales for retailers. Yep. It's one thing to preach piety, but when it gets in the way of the almighty greenback, the Lord will just have to be content with having "In God we trust" graffiti-ed on the crinkled dollars used to purchase six packs of Blatz at 9:00am on the Sabbath. And so, if the pundits are correct, we Michiganders will soon be able to go to high midnight mass and stop for some Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill on the drive home.
Yet another small quiet win for secularism.
And I'll happily drink to that!

"That's One Small Penis for a Man; One Giant Penis for Mankind"

2010-09-28T17:13:00.001-07:00

I am currently reading the fascinating book "Packing for Mars" by Mary Roach. This book is particularly interesting for me both because it deals with human spaceflight -a particular interest of mine - and because Ms. Roach combines great science writing with a humorous skewed-to-just-this-side-of-demented take on things.
Among the fascinating trivia contained in this book is a discussion of the urine-collection devices used by male space-walkers on the Space Shuttle flights. These devices consist of a condom-like attachment connected to a tube and a urine collection bag. (Restrooms being a scarce commodity outside a spacecraft in low Earth orbit.) These devices come in three sizes. Small, medium and large, you may presume? If so, you presume incorrectly. The three size options are Large, Extra Large and Extra-Extra Large. And, in anticipation of the next question, the answer is no. Astronauts are not more stallion-like than their Earthbound brethren. The reason for the king-sized nomenclature was a concern that those who - for anatomical reasons - required a size "small" would be unwilling to admit that fact and order a larger and thus ill-fitting size with leaky and unpleasant results.
This, however, wasn't always the case. During project Apollo, they did indeed have small, medium and large sized urine collection devices.
In addition, NASA had a seemingly compulsive need to document everything related to the Apollo missions. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Like this list of items left behind on the moon by the Apollo 11 crew. Pay particular attention to items 50 and 51. Four urine collection assemblies were left behind on the lunar surface. Two were large. Two were small. Which leaves one with the obvious speculation. Two astronauts walked on the moon on that lunar morning in July 1969: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. One, apparently, was "one giant step" larger in the manhood department than the other. But who was the one with more of the "right stuff"? And how would anyone find out? I suppose someone could simply ask the men involved, but aside from the world-class awkwardness such a query would pose, I doubt either would 'fess up to wearing the size small.
I guess this is one piece of space trivia which must forever remain in the realm of conjecture and debate.

HDTV + Computer = GuyCool

2010-09-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

One of the true ironies of my life is that, as a PBS employee, I was up-to-date on the whole HDTV-thing for years before most people had ever heard of it. I had to be. It was my job and the ability to do it depended on knowing all about that stuff. I attended seminars, meetings, showcases and read books and articles all about the new birth of digital television.
But, since my existing analog TV's were still working, I couldn't justify the expense (to myself and CERTAINLY not my farthing-pinching wife) of buying one. Besides, when it finally came time to plunk down the ca$h to buy one, I wanted a GOOD one. That was one of the downsides to knowing so much about the digital TV world... I knew what I wanted but also knew how much it would cost.
Then, as anyone who has read my scribblings in the past will know, I lost my job. Getting an HDTV was the last thing on my agenda at that point.
We managed to save up a bit of "safety-net" money from my vacation payout to use if/when my unemployment money ran dry. My wife, however, perhaps in an attempt to keep my spirits up and give me something to look forward to, declared that if I managed to find employment before we had to dip into the reserve fund, I could use some of that money to purchase an HDTV of my choice.
Long story short, the local Fox affiliate decided to live up to their environmentalist "Green Team" hype and recycle an old PBS retread.
And I got my HDTV. Not just ANY HDTV... a ginormous one with 1080p, 120Hz screen refresh, 100,000:1 contrast ratio, etc., etc., etc. And it was even on sale! In short, it's damned awesome! It seems somehow right and just that - since, like the mafia, once someone starts in television one never seems to be able to leave - I should have a decent TV. Fer Chrissakes, there had been people living in trailer parks with better TV's than I had! It was no less than a blot on the natural order of things, I tells ya!
One thing I can't wait to see in hi-def is hockey! My beloved Red Wings in full 1080p 16x9 glory! Of course, the first time I'd have a chance to do that is 5pm tomorrow. Fate, of course, decided to spit in my eye due to the fact that I have to leave for band practice at 5:10pm. Wrong. Just wrong.
Today, having a small bit of extra cash from some unexpected overtime, I decided to stimulate the local economy by buying a 15-pin male-to-male (stop snickering... it's a perfectly legitimate electronics term! Look it up, you pervs!) cable so I could hook up my laptop to the big honkin' HDTV.
When I announced my intentions in that regard my wife simply asked "Why would you want to do THAT?"
My teenage son and I merely stared back at her incredulously... as though she asked why we like to breathe and consume nutrients.
Call it gender misunderstanding and miscommunication if you will. I just call it "Chicks just don't GET it!"
Come on: Computer. Big HDTV. Connector Cable. BIG computer picture! I mean, DUH! For guys this is nothing less than a complete syllogism; an entire self-contained system of values, philosophy and logic.
Anyway, I got the cable and, tonight, after some setup adjustments and (I'm almost ashamed to admit it but some valuable assistance from the aforementioned teenage son... it HAD to happen someday) I managed to get big computer stuff on the HD monitor.
I thought it was cool. My son thought it was cool. My wife? "When are you going to be done playing with that thing? I want to watch the Christmas stuff on QVC!"
*sigh*
And so I had to relinquish the HDTV for the time being. But one thing I can tell you for certain. There's no way ANYTHING from the Bethlehem Light Company could EVER be as cool as a laptop hooked up to an HDTV!

Settling In

2010-09-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

Just a few quick words to update anyone who may possibly care...

I finally feel as though I'm getting the rhythm of the workplace. I'm getting to the point where I feel like I'm getting the right amount of work done in a given day and learning to keep up with things. What were for the first few weeks slow deliberate keystrokes are now becoming almost automatic. Hopefully, this situation will only improve. I remember when I was given the boot at WFUM I was able to whiz through ProTrack routines at an insanely rapid (yet accurate) pace. I'm also becoming better acquainted with my new co-workers... some of whom are actually quite helpful and nice.

In other news, I'm finally able to relax at home now. (i.e., when I get home, I can think about things other than work.) In short, I may actually learn to adjust to this new job and settle into some semblance of contentment.

I feel especially lucky to have a job at all here in Michigan in 2010. The latest Michigan employment figures showed no change in the unemployment rate during the past month... but that's rather deceptive. According to an analysis of the data, Michigan actually lost 50,000 jobs last month, but that this was offset by an even greater number of people simply giving up on looking for work. So I guess half my old salary is better than nothing!

So, with things settling down and the dust clearing, I hope to be able to return to posting to this blog on a more frequent and regular basis.

You've been warned.

The Glass

2010-08-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

Much of the last eighteen months have been an excruciating mindfuck for me. From the announcement of my impending job loss to the agonizing uncertainty of when, precisely, I would be joining the ranks of the unemployed, to adjustment to a life collecting unemployment insurance (or "Jennifer Granholm Party Ca$h" as I liked to call it) to fruitless months searching for employment to - finally, in the past month - finding a job and starting over. I'm not saying I've been miserable every moment of the last year and a half; indeed, I have had many wonderful days with family and friends. It's just that there was always, nagging in the background, the constant worry about what would happen if I was unable to find a job before the unemployment benefits ran out. Like a leaky faucet, it would always be there. Sometimes other sounds would drown it out for a bit, but when things quieted down there it would be: drip... drip... drip... Will we have to move? drip... drip... drip... How will we afford healthcare? drip... drip... drip... What if our house or one of our cars has a major problem? drip... drip... drip Will we be able to properly provide for our children? drip... drip... drip...
Sure, the dripping would get annoying, but I also knew that - given enough time - dripping water can erode even the hardest granite. I could put on a brave face in the short term, but sooner or later one of two things would inevitably happen: either I would find a new job or my unemployment benefits would run out. The future course of my life would hinge on which of these was to happen.
And that's why I was thrilled to finally be offered a job in early August. True, the pay was half my old salary, but from my perspective I wasn't in any position to complain. It would be like miraculously finding a life raft as you were about to drown but then complaining that the raft wasn't as nice as the boat that sank in the first place. At that point, you're just happy you won't drown. And that's the key to this entire situation. How do you spin it in your mind? One can choose to dwell on the fact that your salary is much lower and you'll lose the benefits for which you had worked over 20 years hoping to secure. Or one can be grateful that you will avoid such calamities as foreclosure, raiding the retirement account just to pay bills or having to move your kids out of the school district they've grown to love. Me? I've been unemployed and searching for a job for so long that my old job now seems like something from a previous life. There's a recession and Genesee County is more "recessed" than nearly anywhere else in the nation. I was lucky to find anything.
Even so, however, there was the reality that I now had to start over. I was going from a position in which I had worked over two decades and had some degree of seniority to a position where I was definitely the" low guy on the totem pole" who had to learn a new job from scratch.
It wasn't fun.
Although I had lots of experience in television, when it got down to this position I was a rank beginner. The software and procedures were entirely new. The workload seemed overwhelming and there were seemingly zillions of details I had to learn. The first couple weeks were a stress-filled nightmare. It was one thing having lots of work to do. It was quite another to have lots of work to do but not being entirely sure how to DO it! The person training me, however, was not only highly competent, but was also patient. I slowly gained confidence in my ability to master the job. While I certainly know I will make some mistakes in the coming weeks, I'm now in a position where I'm learning enough about my responsibilities that I will be able to learn from them and keep improving.
I also am re-adjusting to a "work mode" schedule. Despite my best efforts to prevent it, I have to admit that six months of down-time, while good for my blood pressure, caused a bit of mental atrophy. At first, it was difficult to get used to having someone else's schedule imposed on you for much of the week. But, as with anything else, one learns to accommodate oneself to the realities of a new job.
So now my big question is: how do I handle this "new normal"? Do I curse the fact I must start over again at age 48 through no fault of my own for much lower wages or should I feel relief that I managed to find ANY sort of a job in the middle of a recession in one of the most economically depressed areas of the nation (let alone a job in a field I must grudging admit I enjoy)? In other words, is my glass half empty or half full?
After some careful consideration, on the optimism/pessimism scale, I choose to cop-out and merely state my life now is a glass in which liquid occupies 50% of the available volume. And, for now, I'm okay with that. Cursing the loss of "what might have been" will do me no good. Did I get screwed over and lied to by my former employer? Yes. Will it do me any good now to dwell on it? No. Spending time looking in the rearview mirror only makes sense if you're going backward. I choose to move forward.
Besides, if my glass was entirely full, it would mean there was no room for more. And isn't anticipation of future happiness one of the things that makes life interesting? True, my life is far from perfect, but for now I have adequate food, shelter, a happy marriage and two wonderful, smart, healthy children. And most importantly, I have gained some hope for the future. And for now, that is more than enough.

August Haiku

2010-08-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

Cool breeze at dusk. With
Nothing left to prove, summer
Ages gracefully.

Yow.

2010-08-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to let you know I'm not dead. The last week or so has been very intense at my new job. There are lots of new things to learn and I'm trying my best to cram all that new information into my tiny brain. When I get home at night I'm generally too pooped to do much else. Hopefully, as I get the hang of the new job I'll settle down enough to start writing regularly again. In the meantime, please be patient...

I'M EMPLOYED!

2010-07-29T15:53:00.000-07:00

Hooray! My six months in the economic wilderness are over! I'll be working at a local commercial TV station starting August 9. (Well, pending the passing of a drug test. And let's face it. I'm not exactly Keith Richards in that regard, so that will be no problem.)
The pay isn't nearly what I was once making, but combined with my wife's salary we should be able to pay the bills... and that was my biggest concern.
So new adventures await. This should be interesting!

Please Stand By...

2010-07-28T15:20:00.000-07:00

Maybe things weren't as grim as I had thought yesterday. That commercial station called back today. They have upped the salary offer to what I was asking. They asked if I was still interested. When I replied that I was, they said they would call back tomorrow. We'll see what happens...

Back to Reality

2010-07-27T16:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the generosity of one of my wife's co-workers, the family and I were able to spend a long weekend at a cottage in Lexington, MI. The cottage itself was wonderful and its location - a mere block away from the sandy beaches of Lake Huron - was even more so.
The kids and I spent hours in the Lake. I even spent one afternoon splashing around in the whitecaps as though my 48 years didn't matter. I may as well have been 10 for all the fun I was having.
And then, yesterday, we returned home.
There was a phone message for me from a local commercial television station at which I had applied. I set up an appointment for an interview.
And so today, I had the interview. The station manager seemed very impressed with my qualifications. When asked what salary I was looking for, I gave them a figure that was less than half my previous salary. It was too much for them. By several thousand dollars. They wouldn't budge in the least. In fact, for the salary they were offering, I could flip burgers at McDonald's. It appears they value cheap labor more than actual experience. Then, when I returned home, there was a letter in the mail informing me that I didn't get a job I had interviewed for a few weeks ago. There's something soul-crushing about giving your all in an interview and it - and the glowing recommendations you provided - not being good enough.
I am depressed, discouraged and frustrated. I don't mean to be self-pitying, but at times like these it's difficult to put on a brave face and keep going. But keep going I will. Not because I have any optimism left, but because I simply have no alternative. Maybe someday a decent job opportunity will present itself. Maybe not.
I hope one day I will be able to look back upon this posting and smile with relief that I made it through these hard times. But then again, I fear I may look back at these times as the "good old days" when I still had unemployment insurance and subsidized health coverage.
I'm torn between wanting to simply give up and wanting to grit my teeth and persevere. I know this recession is affecting millions of people. I know I'm not alone. But I keep thinking of the words attributed to Josef Stalin. Something like "If one person is affected, it's a tragedy. When millions are affected, it's a statistic."
Maybe that's my real problem. I'm tired of being a statistic. I am a person with a life story, intelligence, talents, hopes, quirks and dreams. I'm tired of being a percentage or a mere potential source of desperate cheap labor. I'm tired of daily fruitless job searches. I'm tired of endless applications and resumes that fly off unanswered into the vastness of cyberspace. I'm tired of wondering when my unemployment insurance will end. I'm tired of wondering when I'll lose the healthcare subsidies that are the only thing enabling coverage for my family and me. I'm tired of being labelled "lazy" or a "drug user" by some simply because I lost my job through no fault of my own. (Are you listening, Sen. Hatch?)
But most of all... I'm just... tired.

My Blog: Now Featuring Optional Noise

2010-07-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

Hi all!
Just for the halibut I've added a little gizmo to the right side of this blog where those of you so inclined may listen to some sonic dandelion fluff by Ice Halo, the band for which I vocalize and occasionally scribble some songs fer.
You don't have to click on it, of course, but it's there if you want to. There are only a few songs there as I type this, but I plan to add more in the coming days.
Don't expect much, though!

The Kind of Stuff I Think About

2010-07-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

I was watching a commercial for a skin cream which promised to make you look five years younger. Which made me wonder... what would happen if you put it on a three-year-old?
Yep. This is one of those days where I will do ANYTHING to keep from having to mow the lawn. Even post dumb stuff on blogger.

48 By the Numbers

2010-07-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

Today is my 48th birthday. Unlike some people who would spend such an occasion waxing philosophical about the grand journey of life, I’m more of a “facts & figures” sort of guy. I will, therefore, put this kilometerstone into perspective by use of the following statistics, courtesy of the Social Security Actuarial Tables:

As a male living in the United States turning 48, my chances of dying before my next birthday are 0.4% (or, to make it sound more positive, I have a 99.6% chance of living until age 49).

In a randomly chosen group of 100,000 people born at or near the same time I was, roughly 92,958 of them are still alive. In other words, I’ve outlived about 7.1% of my peers so far.

Statistically, I can expect to live another 30.49 years.

I’ve been around for 17,532 days. That’s equivalent to 2,504 weeks, 420,768 hours, 25,246,080 minutes or 1,514,764,800 seconds.

No wonder I feel old!

Divisible

2010-06-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

In the midst of the Satanic Ritual Abuse scare of the 1980’s, certain Christian preachers wanted us to believe there was a Satanic Cult in every Podunk burg in the nation just waiting for you to turn your back on your toddler long enough for them to snatch him or her up and butcher them as a sacrifice to their Dark Lord. I was always suspicious of these claims for many reasons, not least of which if these Satanic cults were murdering kiddies at the rate these fundamentalists claimed it would have been impossible to walk through a park without stepping over the dismembered remains of the entire student body of the nearest elementary school.
Not to be so easily deterred, these folks vainly offered “evidence” that these cults were real. And sadly, these holy harlequins were actually taken seriously enough by some local law enforcement folks to have these hacks make presentations detailing “how to tell if your town is overrun by Devil-worshippers”. Among the telltale signs: graffiti. Yep. It seemed that, according to these “experts” graffiti and the devil went together like secularism and casual abortions. Seems if there was graffiti on your town’s dumpsters with pentagrams, "666" and the names of MTV hair bands, your town was infested with demon-lovin’ child killers.
It is, for that reason, I found it especially and delightfully ironic that decades later it’s now the Christians who are breaking out the spray paint in order to advance their particular supernatural viewpoint.
The story is this: the North Carolina Secular Association put up a billboard quoting from the original Pledge of Allegiance: “One Nation Indivisible”. Almost predictably, within a week, Christian vandals – taking their cue from the 1954 act of Congress that altered this original version of the Pledge– broke out their navy blue Krylon cans and inserted “Under God” on the billboard indicating it was to be placed between “nation” and “indivisible”.
There’s so much irony here I don’t know where to begin. First, there’s the incongruity between the Christians’ self-professed law-abiding nature and the use of vandalism and defacing of others’ property to promote their agenda. Next, there’s strangeness in their using a medium that mere decades before they themselves had condemned as being associated with them damned devil worshippers. Third, this act of vandalism has given the North Carolina Secular Association far more publicity than they otherwise would have had. But finally, and perhaps most significantly, the morons who defaced the billboard MADE THE SECULARISTS' POINT!!! The secularists were arguing that the insertion of religion into patriotism was – in itself – divisive. So much so that the mere expression of an admirable sentiment from the original pledge can no longer be safely stated in public without some religio-drones vandalizing it!
This is typical of how the religious right works:
1. Hijack a perfectly good secular national motto / pledge / whatever and alter it into a religious one.
2. Pretend the religious one was the one that had always been there.
3. When someone who knows history points out that it was the Christians who subverted the original intent of these statements, accuse them of not being true patriots, despite the fact that it is the secularists who are the ones who are promoting the original intent of the founders.
Those who vandalized the billboard in North Carolina proved yet again that religion is a divisive force in our nation. If you want to be religious: fine. But when you try to entangle your beliefs with government to make your point, you’re doing nothing more than causing unnecessary division within the land you claim to love so much.

Applying Myself

2010-06-21T16:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, for Father’s Day, my kids got me “The Complete Peanuts: 1975-1976”. Having been a Peanuts freak since I was at least their age, it was a much appreciated present.
While thumbing through its pages, I came across a couple instances of the now-classic strips where Charlie Brown runs to kick the football only to have Lucy snatch it away at the last second, with the inevitable result of Charlie Brown slamming into the ground with a subsonic thump.
I couldn’t help thinking I was a lot like Charlie Brown in that instance. Instead of kicking a football, though, my Quixotic quest is sending out job applications. I keep sending them out, only to have them rebuffed or ignored. The rejections keep coming; I keep submitting applications.
Like Charlie Brown’s vain attempt to kick the football, my attempt to find a job is equal parts admirable persistence and pathetic unwillingness to apply inductive reasoning.
So despite repeated failures, Charlie Brown kept trying to kick the football and kept ending up flat on his back.
And I’ll keep filling out application forms and sending out resumes…

Tea-ming With Bad Puns!

2010-06-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

On this Juneteenth it's only fitting I made a horrible pun appropriate to the occasion.
This is how it happened:
My ever-dramatic daughter noticed I was reading "The Book of Tea" by Kakuzo Okakura. (This is a classic among tea-freaks like me... just trust me on that one.)
Anyway, my female offspring asked "'The Book of Tea'? What the heck is that?"
"I'll have you know this is a very famous book!" I replied. "In fact, it was very influential among the African-American community!"
"Is that for real?" she asked, skeptically.
"You bet!" I replied. "Haven't you ever heard of "Book o'Tea" Washington?"

(blogger pauses for hilarity to ensue... hears sound of distant crickets)

*sigh*

Fine.

I can only hope that somewhere there's a planet harboring a more advanced civilization that appreciates my puns!

Take Me to Your Liter

2010-06-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

This won't be much of a post. It's more a squirreling away of words for the future... but I want to put it here on the blog - in public - for the sole and egotistical purpose of being able to gloat at some future date.
I'm not usually one for making predictions, but in this case I will make an exception. And the prediction is as follows: by the end of the decade (2020), the scientific consensus will be that there is life on Mars.
I realize all current evidence in that regard is circumstantial, sketchy and inconclusive, but lately there is so much of it coming together that it is starting to look like there may be something to it.
So, should life indeed be discovered on Mars, I will now be able to claim to be a visionary.
And if Mars is found to be desolate and dead, I'll merely delete this post and claim your archived version is a forgery.
Either way, I win! :-)

A Novel Way to Commit Suicide

2010-06-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

Now that Dr. Kevorkian is no longer able to provide his needed services, I would like to propose the following simple method for committing suicide:
1. Listen to an Ave Maria (Catholic Radio) station.
2. Take a shot of whiskey every time they mention the word "abortion".
I estimate an average person would last about 45 minutes before succumbing to fatal alcohol poisoning.

Smells Like Wha...?

2010-06-07T12:54:00.001-07:00

I had once heard the single biggest correlative factor in a man's choice of deodorant was the brand his father wore. My case would seem to support that theory. My dad wore Old Spice original scent and dammit so do I.
And it looks as though the Old Spice tradition will be passed down to a third generation since my son - now that he's of an age where such things are becoming important - is also using Old Spice. Ian, however, is putting his personal stamp on things by choosing to use, instead of original scent, a variant called "Denali". Denali, according to the product label, is supposed to smell like "Wilderness, Open Air and Freedom". While I suppose something smelling vaguely of salmon innards and pine trees could pass for "wilderness and open air" what, pray tell, does "freedom" smell like? I've been gravitationally bound to this planet for nearly 50 years and this is the first I knew about freedom even having an olfactory component!
What the hell, did Harriet Tubman give this stuff to fugitive slaves after they successfully crossed the Ohio River?
"Use this! You can smell like FREEDOM now!"
The older I get the less I know.

Crime Pays! (In Michigan, at Least)

2010-06-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

Recent press reports have indicated the Michigan unemployment rate is 14.0%. As someone who has been seeking work without success for months, this comes as no surprise.
There are, of course, things one can do to improve one's chances of gaining employment. Polishing one's resume, attending job fairs, networking, etc. are high on the list of suggested tips for job seekers.
There is, however, one tip that apparently has been overlooked. It seems there are programs to provide employment to convicts in Michigan prisons in hopes of rehabilitating them. As a result, the current rate of unemployment among the prison population is under 10%! That's right! In Michigan, it's literally easier to get a job if you're in prison than if you obey the law.
I didn't realize one of the keys to employment in this state was knocking over a liquor store, but if that's what it takes...
It appears while I've been wasting time polishing my resume when I should have been polishing a Saturday Night Special.

21-derful Years!

2010-06-03T05:03:00.001-07:00

Thanks to my wonderful wife Leanne for putting up with me for 21 years!
It's hard to believe I've been married since 1989. To put things in perspective, here are a couple statistics -
Number of dogs in the United States in 1989: roughly 70,000,000.
Number of those dogs still alive: 0.
So, in canine terms at least, ours is a love that has lasted forever!
Here's to many more!

Stormy Weather

2010-05-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

Saw this sign today at the Detroit Zoo. It seems to me that by the time any Spanish- speaking folks get done reading the sign either it will be too late or the storm will be over.

In Defense of Bees

2010-05-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

A great slander is frequently committed in our great nation and I'm here to do my part in clearing the name of an unfairly maligned species.
Namely, whenever anyone is stung by an insect and said insect is yellow & black, it is almost invariably said that the victim was stung by "a bee".
Most of the time, this is the result of mistaken identity and the poor bee is innocent. I would wager that in most cases, the offending insect is a yellow jacket. (Pictured below.)

Although I'm not exactly a master of the apiary sciences, I feel I can speak with a degree of authority on this subject since my father raised honeybees for years. I was surrounded by beehives and their residents flew around me constantly. Honey bees are relatively docile (unless you threaten the queen, in which case all bets are off). In all those years, I was stung by bees precisely ZERO times. Yellow jackets, however, have probably stung me about a dozen times.
(See below for a picture of a honeybee for comparison.)

Please note the duller coloration and somewhat "fuzzy" look to the thorax.

So next time you get stung, please don't unfairly blame a bee. Chances are a bee is not to blame.

Rand Paul's America

2010-05-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

Flint, MI. The year 2018…

The local outlet of the seafood restaurant chain Red Flounder has announced a new dining option made possible by the repeal of Title II of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. That law, recently terminated after pressure was placed on Congress by President Rand Paul, had prevented discrimination based on race by privately-owned places of public accommodation, such as restaurants, hotels and theatres.

This new experimental dining arrangement will be called “White Wednesdays", during which only white patrons will be served in the restaurant on that day.

Restaurant manager Biff Fratboy explained the new program.

“We had done some market research and focus group studies which found some interesting opportunities for expanding our business. Ironically, our great success among the African-American community was preventing expansion among the white customer base,” Fratboy said. “We had comments that many potential white customers referred to our restaurant as ‘Black Flounder’ and were less likely to eat here because of that. We have instituted ‘White Wednesdays’ in an attempt to broaden our appeal to that consumer segment.”

Fratboy was careful to counter charges that the White Wednesday program, while now legal, could be perceived as racist.

“Red Flounder abhors racism in all its forms,” explained Fratboy. “The White Wednesday program isn’t racist; it is simply a means by which Red Flounder can better accommodate those customers who have expressed a preference for a more homogeneous dining experience. Red Flounder is merely exercising its liberty as a privately-owned company to better serve the needs of its customers in a capitalist economy. If our business declines on White Wednesdays, we will stop having them, since continuing it in that circumstance would hurt our bottom line. It’s the free market in action! Who could be against THAT? Socialists, perhaps?”

Fratboy explained that Red Flounder would continue to serve its non-white customers: “Red Flounder is committed to serving the seafood needs of our non-white customers. They are welcome to eat in our establishment from Thursday through Tuesday. In addition, we are spending $30,000 to install a special drive-through window which will serve all races on Wednesdays. That’s right! We’re spending $30,000 in order to specially serve our non-white customers! Does that sound like something a racist company would do?”

Fratboy noted that the program, if successful, may be expanded.

“We might even pay tribute to the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King for a society based on racial unity by serving blacks only on the King Holiday,” said Fratboy.

“Provided King Day doesn’t fall on a Wednesday, of course.”

Reality Check

2010-05-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

We were eating at Taco Bell this afternoon. The PA system started playing the song "Come Dancing" by The Kinks. For those of you who might not be too familiar with the song, it's a about an old ballroom dance hall and the music is done in a style reminiscent of that era.
"Is that an old song?" asked my 12-year-old daughter.
"No," replied my wife. "It was done to sound old, but it's actually from the 1980's."
"The 1980's!" said my daughter, incredulous. "But that IS old!"

*sigh*

Zen... or Something Like It

2010-05-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

For about five minutes early this evening, I experienced something wonderful. I had just finished grilling out for the first time this year. I was hot and sort of tired, so I put on the headphones of my MP3 player, turned on the fan and plopped myself down on the bed.

The day was warm and the skies blue and beautiful. The cool air from the fan gently caressed me. The song on the MP3 player (“Secret Friend” by Paul McCartney) fit the mood, as it was one of his less “serious” songs… it’s essentially Sir Paul having a bit of fun in the studio.

For a few minutes, I experienced what I imagine those who quest for Nirvana are seeking. My thoughts ceased. My experiences no longer were translated into words which I then thought about. The sensory experiences seemed to bypass the words and thoughts and plugged themselves directly into my consciousness. It was bliss.

I now think I know why people have trouble explaining Zen. It is born of direct experience. Words can’t really explain it because it can only “happen” when you put the words away. When it comes to Zen, words simply clog things up. Then, when you later try to explain it, you find yourself retroactively trying to – in a metaphorical sense - duct tape words onto the experience but the tape won’t stick. And this sloppy mess of words just makes you seem like a babbling idiot. Like, f’rinstance, this stuff I just wrote.

No, I haven’t seen “god”. I’m still the same hardcore atheist I’ve always been. And I wouldn’t describe it as a “spiritual” experience, either. To me, that mushy word implies finding something outside one’s experience. But what I felt was the direct opposite… an “enhanced” experience of reality. It was the precise opposite of what I expected Zen to be. Instead of “other-worldly” it was more “hyper-worldly”… as though the physical world was more “real” than usual.

I’m really digging myself into a hole, here, aren’t I?

Forget all the shit I wrote above. Let’s just say I plopped myself on the bed for about five minutes and it was really nice, okay? Okay.

Reaping the Whirlwind

2010-05-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

I was born on a muggy July morning in Flint, Michigan back in 1962. As the day of my birth drew to a close, the skies darkened and a thunderstorm approached. This storm was so severe the curtains blew into the room at a 90-degree angle to the windows. The nurses started talking about evacuating some of the patients, but before they could make a firm decision in that regard, the storm had blown through.

If my life were a work of fiction, this would have been a perfect bit of foreshadowing. It was perhaps inevitable, therefore, that I would have a lifelong fascination with severe weather in general and with tornadoes in particular. Perhaps some of the excitement was picked up from the adults around me. The Beecher Tornado, the last single tornado to kill over 100 people in the United States, was still fresh in their memories. When there was a tornado watch or warning, I could sense the adults getting extra wary, which, for a young child, is sort of exhilarating.
I also remember the annual springtime ritual of seeing those tornado preparedness films in elementary school. I loved every somber, serious, cheesy second of them!

Despite my desire to see a tornado, I have been unsuccessful in that regard. I came close once on a canoe trip on the Rifle River in the early 1980’s. The sky got hellaciously dark and a powerful gust front whipped through snapping fully grown trees like dominoes. I didn’t see a tornado, though I later found out one was sighted mere miles from my location.
Another time, fittingly on my birthday, there was a severe storm outbreak in Michigan the likes of which occurs “once every 500 years” according to one news story. But did I see anything? Of course not!
Then, a couple years ago, nature seemingly extended its middle finger my way when an EF-2 tornado damaged the house in which I grew up. But could it have happened in all the years I lived there? NOOOOO!

I would love to go on one of those storm chasing tours. Some have warned me they might actually be rather dull. I know, however, that I would thrive on it. The thought of driving for hours through places like Nebraska, rather than discouraging me, makes the entire scenario all the more tempting. For me, stopping for a pizza in, say, Tulsa while monitoring the latest convective outlook smacks of true Americana. I know I would revel in every minute of it. What some would find boring, I would find delightful. And to see an actual tornado would be an excellent payoff. (Actually, I would enjoy the experience even if I didn’t see a tornado, but let’s face it; I’d still like to have the image of a whirlwind tickle my corneas before I shed this mortal coil.)

I wouldn’t, though, want “my” tornado I see do any real damage. The thought of it destroying lives or property would be a downer, despite its magnificence. If it could maybe just toss around a few random tumbleweeds in an empty field, I’d be happy.

Maybe someday…

Shameless, Unsolicited, Annoying (but Unapologetic) Parental Bragging

2010-05-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to my son Ian for managing something his father couldn't have imagined doing in his wildest dreams: he was awarded a varsity letter from Davison High School. In this week's award ceremony, he not only got awards for his scholastic achievement and for consistently following the "Cardinal Code" (i.e., he was well-behaved and that sorta thing) but, most impressive to me, he got the coveted Maroon and Gold letter for his participation in the Davison High Quiz Bowl team.
Ian usually gets all "A"s, but I think this is one time he's happy to be awarded a "D"!
Knowing Ian, if he sees this he will be horribly embarrassed and will hope like hell his friends don't stumble onto my blog. Oh well, our generation started the freakin' internet so he can just deal with it!
Anyway, great job! Way to go, Ian! Yer aging punker dad is proud of you!

A Job for Me

2010-05-13T05:22:00.000-07:00

Having spent over a year looking for a job, I was beginning to wonder if the only job for which I am qualified is price checker at a dollar store.
"How much for this picture frame?"
"One dollar."
"How much for these potato chips?"
"One dollar."
Until today, that is. I think I've found a second job at which I would be amazingly good. That job? God.
No, that wasn't some sort of exclamation. I mean "God" as in the job title. You know... I could be God. I just don't know where to apply or when the current holder of that position will be applying for retirement. He must, after all, be getting quite old and I would assume he would be eligible for Social Security benefits soon even under the new guidelines.
I got this brilliant idea while reading this morning's paper. There was a quote from an Anglican archbishop regarding a plane crash that occurred in Libya. There were 104 passengers. 103 died. The archbishop was quoted as saying "We thank God for the sole survivor."
Really? Can you imagine any other job in which one is metaphysically responsible for the lives of 104 people and - after 103 of them die - you still end up getting thanked? Talk about a job where the bar is set low! I can just imagine the performance evaluations: "Displayed a success rate of less than 1% on the recent Libyan air crash. Excellent work!"
Hell, I could do that! Time to work on my cover letter!

An Epiphany of Logic

2010-05-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

While many people pay lip-service to the idea of logic, very few actually seem to apply the concept to their everyday lives. It may be argued that logic is spiffy for figuring out science and engineering-type things, but that it is not helpful in solving the stickier emotional problems one might encounter in everyday life. I would like to humbly submit a personal anecdote as a data point to provide evidence to the contrary.
First, a bit of background will be necessary. On Christmas Eve, 1963, I was a passenger in a car involved in a serious car accident. I was a young toddler at the time and these were the days before child restraints and safety glass. I was thrown through the windshield and received severe facial cuts which left some rather visible scars. As I've gotten older, these scars, while still noticeable, are somewhat less prominent than they were when I was younger.
As a typical teenager, I was self-conscious about my looks and was certain that some people would reject me because of my face. This bothered me for years.
One day, however, I had what I will call an "epiphany of logic". In other words, I applied logic to the problem and solved it. It went like this:
1. It is possible some people will, in fact, reject others simply because they have scars on their face.
2. Such people are superficial jerks.
3. Superficial jerks aren't worth having as friends anyway.
4. Therefore, not only are you not missing out on anything because they may reject you, it is of a positive benefit since it serves, in a sense, as a type of "filter". You can be assured that your friends aren't superficial jerks.
And the scars haven't bothered me since.
Logic. It works. Try some today!

Checking Out

2010-05-07T16:00:00.000-07:00

"May I help you?"
The librarian looked at Jack, who was holding a book in his hand. Jack placed the book on the counter and the librarian started scanning it into the computer.
"'Deke', huh? That's a great book!" the librarian said.
"Yeah, I'd heard a lot about it, but I'd never actually gotten around to reading it." Jack replied.
"Yeah, Deke Slayton knew all the behind-the-scenes stuff at NASA. If you're a space buff, you'll really enjoy it."
"'Space buff' would be putting it mildly. It's more an obsession with me."
"Really? Me too! Say, I have a question for you! Everyone knows Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon. But who was the LAST man on the moon?"
A smile crossed Jack's face.
"That would depend on how you define 'last'. If you're basing it on the order in which they exited the LM, the answer would be Harrison Schmitt. If you base it on the order in which the returned to the LM, it would be Gene Cernan."
The librarian responded with an even bigger smile. The smile of a hardcore space nerd recognizing one of his kindred.
"That's pretty good! You know the controversy!"
"Yeah, and I'm not about to attempt to resolve it, either", Jack laughed.
The librarian ripped the due date slip off the printer and placed it inside the book.
“Okay. Here’s another one for you,” said the librarian. “Can you name the only person to be buried on the moon?”
“BURIED on the moon?” Jack’s brow furrowed in thought as he took the book from the librarian. “You’ve got me on that one!” he finally conceded.
“Astronomer Eugene Shoemaker. A vial of his ashes was placed on the Lunar Prospector spacecraft in the 1990’s. When the mission ended, it was intentionally crashed onto the lunar surface. Thus he’s the only person buried on the moon.”
“That’s fascinating!” replied Jack. “I know a lot of space trivia, but even I didn’t know that one!”
“Yeah. Not many people do. I guess some Native Americans were quite upset by it, though.”
“Upset? Isn’t that rather hypocritical of them?”
“Hypocritical? How so?”
“Well, around these parts you can’t even dig a foundation for a parking garage without inadvertently exhuming a half-dozen Indians! And they’re upset over one guy buried on the moon?”
The librarian seemed taken aback. “I think it was merely because some Native peoples view the moon as sacred.”
“Maybe to us palefaces parking garages are sacred! After all, if there’s anything white people worship it’s commerce and urban sprawl! But dammit, if a backhoe happens to nick the skull of some Ojibwa who's been moldering in the ground for the past 3,000 years we have to stop digging, call in an army of archaeologists and get some overweight guy with an Italian last name and one-sixteenth Cherokee blood to hold some ceremony where he flings about some corn silk and burns some alfalfa seeds or some shit like that while the white folks have to stand around somberly and pretend they give a flying fuck! In the meantime, the building of the parking garage is held up two years! Give me a goddamned break! We’re expected to kiss their asses just because they were careless in disposing of their dead and THEY’RE ticked off because we put one dead guy on the moon? I say they should just cut us some fucking slack!” At that, Jack spun around and headed for the library exit.
“I'm sorry you're having a bad day," said the librarian. "Your book is due back in a month.”

Silence

2010-05-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

For anyone who grew up in Michigan from 1960 on, the news of the death of broadcast legend Ernie Harwell is first on their minds today. While certainly not unexpected, it is nevertheless a sad event for those of us who have loved (and occasionally loathed) the Detroit Tigers. Harwell's voice was an omnipresence in the Michigan summer. No matter how bad things were in the world, just hearing Ernie's voice was a comforting reassurance that somewhere, something was happening the way it was supposed to.
Far better writers than I will sing the inevitable and much-deserved hosannas to Mr. Harwell and I don't suppose there is much I could do to improve upon their words.
I do, however, feel compelled to add a few modest lines to the appreciation of his life and work.
When Harwell spoke, he described the happenings on the diamond with a clarity and emotion that rendered any television screen a mere gadget of inferior quality. But what really impressed me about Harwell's broadcast style was his use of silence. As composer Claude Debussy was credited with saying, "Music is the space between the notes." It can also be argued that great broadcasting is the use of the space between the words. Harwell, to put it plainly, not only knew how to talk effectively, but also knew when to keep quiet. He had an intuitive sense of the rhythm and cadence of the game and, unlike some of today's announcers, wasn't afraid to let the ambient sounds of the baseball diamond project their own eloquence. And by so doing, he increased the effectiveness of his words.
Like many people in the area, I have my own story of meeting Ernie personally. Like many of life's best moments, it was a random and unplanned event. It was 1991. My wife was a travel agent at the time and she would occasionally get free stays at hotels as a perk. We had one such night at the Holiday Inn in Livonia. We were getting hungry and had some time to kill and there was a shopping mall nearby. So we wandered through it looking for a place to eat. While there, we passed a nearly empty bookstore in which a sign announced Ernie Harwell would be signing his new book "Diamond Gems". And sure enough, there he was, sitting alone behind a folding table near the bookstore entrance. There was no way, of course, I was going to let this opportunity pass. I bought a copy of the book, which he graciously signed for me. Having him shake my hand and hearing him say "Thanks so much, John. I hope you enjoy the book!" in THAT voice was a thrill only a Tiger fan could appreciate. He smiled and spoke with such warmth it seemed he'd known me all my life. Heck... as if he'd known me all HIS life! He was truly a class act. Summers will never be quite the same.
And I feel sorry for my children. They may have their Wii and their computer and their MP3 players... but they will never experience a childhood summer infused with that voice. And they are poorer for it.

Things Daughters Say

2010-05-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

My wife, daughter and I were walking Lily the Special Maltipoo today and were talking about an acquaintance who was a vegetarian.
"Why is she a vegetarian?" my daughter asked.
"I think she really loves animals and doesn't want to hurt them." replied my wife.
"Well... I don't want to hurt animals, either..." said my daughter thoughtfully, before adding "but they're so darned tasty!"

Points for honesty, I guess!

Commie Pinko... North Dakota?

2010-04-29T19:16:00.000-07:00

The ever-vigilant ever-paranoid Teabaggers keep warning us about the dire fate awaiting us should the creeping menace of socialism latch its tentacles around our economy. Such hyperbole makes me wonder what the effect of having a truly socialist economic entity in America would be.
Well, my wondering is over. A short but interesting and informative article in the latest issue of Newsweek points out that there IS such an entity. The Bank of North Dakota, founded in 1919, is unique in that it is a 100% state-owned bank.
And the effect of this devastating socialism on that state's economy?
North Dakota has the lowest unemployment rate in the nation and has a $1 Billion budget SURPLUS which goes back into the state's coffers thus funding social programs while keeping down the tax rate!
All I can say is if that's socialism, sign me up!!!

Completely Full of Crop

2010-04-26T19:02:00.000-07:00

Just over a year ago, I discovered I was going to lose my job. For that reason, I was too upset to plant last year’s garden. Today, however, in a gesture of returning optimism, I have resurrected the overgrown patch of grass in the backyard in order to commit myself to new growth and new life.

Lest I start sounding too “new age” for ya, it should be noted that my extreme enjoyment in beginning this year’s installment of the backyard garden had little to do with plants and everything to do with “man toys”. I was able to borrow my brother’s rototiller (thanks Paul!) and start tearing up some topsoil. There’s something about standing behind a noisy soil-shredding machine that’s very satisfying. It’s wonderful to see the transformation of a sorry piece of weedy grass into a lush dark loam. The first smell of fresh earth brings a satisfaction seldom equalled the rest of the year. Besides, if I’d have had to use a garden hoe and rake, it would have taken forever… if I could have done it at all without my 47-year-old ticker giving out.

I think this year I will once again plant cornstalks. Yes, cornstalks. I know better than to say I’m "planting corn" because my success in that endeavor is dismal to say the least. In all my years of attempted corn cultivation, I think my total yield has literally been about half an edible ear. In my defense, though, that half-an-ear did taste quite good! I now resign myself to the fact that the only useful result of my corn planting will be to provide my wife with nice seasonal yard decorations. Weathered cornstalks look quite attractive in the fall.
Actually, though, the real reason I keep planting corn is the summer thundershowers wouldn’t be the same without it. There’s something about the papery slap of raindrops on the leaves of a corn plant that reminds me this world is a nice place after all. And seeing the green cornstalks swaying gently in the rain-infused breeze is more comforting than all the Zoloft I gulp down in a year. So if I should happen to get any edible ears of corn this season, I’ll just consider it a bonus.

I also plan to plant my specialty: grape tomatoes. Everyone who has tried them raves about my grape tomatoes. For some reason, I manage to do an exceptional job growing that particular crop, producing bumper harvests of very high quality. Ironically, I can’t stand the taste of grape tomatoes. I just like growing them. Go figure.

Another crop I don’t like is cucumbers. I grow those well, too. Why is it I do a good job growing things I don’t like while the corn, which I love, doesn’t grow worth a damn?

Oh, well… at least I like potatoes and I usually do well growing those.

And so work on the garden has started for the year. It’s my way of voting “yes” for the future. And as I watch the fragile plantlets slowly grow into mature and thriving veggie factories, I’ll be reminded of the value of patience, hard work and optimism.

BOOBQUAKE!!!

2010-04-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has been watching the news lately may have noticed a recent spate of seismic activity around the globe. As a science nerd, I had assumed this was all due to geological forces such as the movement of tectonic plates. But it appears there’s another theory. According to a Muslim cleric in Teheran named Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, these earthquakes were actually caused by immodestly dressed women!

One scientifically minded female blogger, thinking as any good science geek would in such a circumstance, decided rather than simply brush aside this geogynistic theory, it should be subjected to strict scientific scrutiny. She has therefore proposed a bold experiment: on Monday, April 26, she has called on women volunteers to wear their most immodest cleavage-exposing clothes in order to see if this mass immodesty will provoke the Earth’s crust into spasms of seismic activity.

Should this unprecedented display of mass mammary power prove awesome enough to trigger a large “Boobquake”, geology textbooks may need to be completely re-written!

So should any women out there feel so inclined, now is your chance to help out the cause of science and critical thinking! Sadly, according to the cleric, I lack the anatomy required to affect the fault lines of our planet, so I cannot actively participate. But for those of you who can spare your breasts for a day for the cause of science, this coming Monday should provide an opportunity to help us learn more about the forces that shape our world.

It’ll be a good day to be a geek!

Human Cruelty; Divine Justice. Or Vice-Versa.

2010-04-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

I realize this posting will touch on a very sensitive issue and there is a high likelihood of it causing offense. I believe, however, the issues involved are serious enough to warrant serious contemplation and consequently I believe I should say what I'm thinking and await the proverbial excrement to strike the mechanical cooling device.

Nearly any sentient being inside Genesee County Michigan now knows the story of 4-year-old Dominick Calhoun, who was horribly tortured and eventually beaten to death, allegedly by the boyfriend of the boy’s mother. According to details in press reports, Dominick had been severely kicked in the head and groin, had all his teeth knocked out, had burn marks on his feet and had even been dragged unconscious out of bed as the beatings continued.

As human beings who aspire to some semblance of civilized behavior, it is difficult if not impossible to understand how someone could carry out such a deranged, savage and horrific assault on a defenseless child. That Dominick suffered horribly is beyond dispute. Even thinking about the facts of the case objectively is difficult. In an attempt to assuage our own psyches, some of us imagine this somehow has a happy ending. Many people posting on a “Justice for Dominick Calhoun” page on Facebook, for example, attempt to comfort themselves by saying Dominick is now in a “better place” or that he is now “in the arms of the Lord”. The pastor at Dominick’s funeral was quoted as saying that Dominick closed his eyes in this world and opened them to gaze at “the loving face of Jesus”.

My first response was: where the hell was Jesus when little Dominick was being tortured? Was Jesus busy? Did he not care? Was there some perverted “divine plan” that required Dominick to suffer and die in this way?
My second response was: if little Dominick is now in such a wonderful place and his entry into it was said to have been caused by his mother’s boyfriend, shouldn’t we thank the boyfriend for doing this wonderful thing for him? Okay, obviously, I’m being darkly sarcastic there, but if you follow this logic to its conclusion, there IS a kernel of truth to it. I think all this Jesus & Heaven speak is nothing more than celestial sugar-coating which detract from the most horrible aspects of the crime.

My personal thoughts as to Dominick’s ultimate fate are clear: as an atheist, I believe he is dead. Period. There is no loving God to cradle him in his arms, no paradise to welcome a soul that outlives his physical body. If that seems harsh, I maintain that relatively speaking, it isn’t. If you want harsh, let’s look at the other side of religion… the one that’s being conveniently ignored. I know nothing of Dominick’s upbringing so I don’t know whether he had any religious rituals performed on him. But what if he had not been baptized? Or, if he WAS baptized, what if he was baptized by the “wrong” sect of Christianity? Or baptized in the “wrong” way? (Sprinkling with Holy Water on the forehead versus full immersion, say.) Or what if Allah is the One True God? Or Vishnu? What if, to counter the comforting image invoked by the funeral pastor, Dominick closed his eyes in this world only to open them in even greater agony in the eternal fires of hell?

I realize some people reading this will brand me a world-class asshole for even suggesting something so vile. But before condemning me further, I would like to ask one thing: can anyone point out to me a verse in the Bible that explicitly states unbaptized children get a free pass into heaven if they’re brutally murdered? I’ll be waiting.
In fact, there are some Christians who flatly state that an unbaptized child WILL go to hell. Harold Camping, head of Family Radio and a Biblical scholar who has a syndicated radio program called “Open Forum” once fielded a question from an obviously distraught mother whose infant child had recently died. The weeping mother asked whether, since the child had died before being baptized, he would still be able to enter Heaven. Camping, much to my surprise, unflinchingly said that the Bible was very clear on the issue: one MUST be baptized to enter Heaven and that the child was now and forever in Hell.
(Of course, Mr. Camping also predicted the world would end in September, 1994. If it has, I haven’t noticed.)
Upon hearing Camping’s exchange with the mother, my first reaction was shock that he could so blunt to the point of cruelty. But I also have to confess that, in a rather convoluted way, I admired his honesty. After all, in our society faith and honesty are supposed to be virtues. Here was a man who REALLY had faith in his beliefs and is honest about it to the point of misanthropy.

At this point I should state that this is one time where I sincerely wish I am completely wrong in my views. If anyone deserves a cosmic break and a Heavenly vacation, it would be Dominick.

But as Carl Sagan frequently said: “Wishing does not make it so.”

Benjamin and Me

2010-04-15T15:58:00.001-07:00

Lately, it seems as though I have something in common with Benjamin Franklin. No, I don’t share his sage wisdom… and I CERTAINLY don’t have his knack for making money from the written word.

What we do have in common, however, is the fact that we both started memoirs. The key word is “started”. Franklin’s memoirs, not published until after his death, are considered a milestone in American literature. My memoirs, I fear, aren’t destined for such a hallowed reception, but I started ‘em nevertheless and they will burden me until I either finish them or croak. And although I currently seem to be in fairly good health for my age, I still don’t know which of these will happen first.

The good Dr. Franklin had, I must admit, much better source material for his memoirs, being a celebrated printer, philanthropist, inventor, Founding Father, diplomat, etc., etc., etc. In my case, the analogous literary work is merely the memoirs of my years with the loud Flint punk band the Guilty Bystanders. I certainly have no illusions that my writing is anywhere near the quality of Franklin’s, but our authorship does share at least one common trait: procrastination. Franklin began his memoirs thinking nobody other than perhaps his son or close friends would ever actually read it. He completed the first part in 1771 and set it aside. Then, however, the manuscript started making the rounds and against all expectations people seemed to enjoy it and they started asking him when he would continue working on it. Well, in the early 1780’s he started writing a second section. After which his friends asked for even more. In the late 1780’s, he wrote a third section and he was working on a fourth part at the time of his death in 1790. So, in short, Franklin procrastinated on & off for 19 years working on memoirs that were never completed.

And me? My unfinished work has been nagging at the back of my mind every so often. And every so often, people have asked me when I would write more. I didn’t really have an answer. But I suppose the fact that I have a bit more free time than I used to should be something of which I should take advantage.

And so, if my word means anything, I pledge to begin doing some more writing of the Guilty Bystander saga… at least my version of it. I don’t claim that my version of events is definitive, objective or even necessarily very accurate… but if there are some people out there who are actually interested in my continuing the tale, I shall do my best to comply.

I have no idea how long this next installment may take, but I suppose if it’s worth doing, I should try to reduce its suckage quotient as much as I am able. If, therefore, my regular postings are a bit sparser for awhile, that will likely be why. When the next installment is completed, you blog folks will be the first to know. But please be patient… the fact that the first Guilty Bystanders song to ever get airplay was entitled “Apathy Song” wasn’t a coincidence!

Diplomats and Soldiers

2010-04-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

Recently, there has been some debate in the atheist movement over what strategy should be adopted in relations with religious organizations. On one end of the debate, there are those who think atheists should be polite and accommodating toward those religious people who may treat atheists with respect and who may share common goals such as concern for the environment, social justice (NB: Fuck you Glenn Beck!) and the teaching of evolution in science classrooms. (Contrary to common belief, a majority of religious organizations have no problem accepting the evidence for evolution. Or, to paint a verbal Venn diagram, not all religious people are creationists, though nearly all creationists are religious.)
The counter to this viewpoint is that atheists should not make any compromise with religion. Though not all religions are openly hostile to atheists, even the most benign religions provide the cover under which the more radical religions are allowed to thrive. It might be argued, for example, that even though most religious people condemn the 9/11 attacks, the fact remains that the attacks were motivated by fanatical religious belief. To say otherwise is nothing short of a denial of documented fact. Many people downplayed this aspect of the attacks, however, for fear of offending more moderate religious movements. This timidity to criticize the religious aspect of the attacks, it was argued, made it more difficult to expose the links between terrorism and religion and without this exposure, effective countermeasures would be blunted.
So where do I stand in this debate? At risk of seeming like a copout, I think I'm somewhere in the middle. If the atheist movement is to continue to grow, it will need the ability to adopt varied and flexible strategies depending on the situation. Just as a large nation needs both diplomats and soldiers, the atheist movement will need to adopt both "accommodationist" strategies where they would work best while reserving the option of adopting a more militant stance in situations where they are needed.
To go back to the large nation analogy, it is certainly preferable to maintain civil discourse with other nations even when full agreement is not possible. In such situations, diplomacy is the best course for ensuring peaceful mutual co-existence. In cases, however, where others take actions that threaten our rights and security, we need to stop being polite and start defending those rights.
So that's what I think. Atheists should try to get along with non-atheists if and when possible but should be ready and able to boldly stand up for their rights when necessary. To put things simply: when religious people treat atheists with respect, we should reciprocate. When they take actions to infringe upon our rights, we should not hesitate to fight back - even at the risk of "offending" the more mainstream religionists.

Shameless Catholic Bashing from an Ex-Catholic

2010-04-10T16:43:00.000-07:00

I was raised Roman Catholic. I worked for five years at a Catholic church when I was younger. It was mostly landscaping and janitorial stuff, but what I saw behind the scenes while there was a real eye-opener. There was a lot of alcoholism and homosexual behavior among the clergy. (Nothing, to my knowledge, involving minors, but to a teenager who had been taught to respect the church, it was still quite a revelation.)

What I observed and the public hypocrisy being displayed made me disillusioned with the church so I left. Although I later became an atheist, that, for me, was not caused by my bad experiences with Catholicism; it was simply a matter of reading, studying and thinking about the philosophy of theistic belief and discarding it later in life.

One would have to be willfully avoiding all media not to know about the allegations of child sexual abuse in the Roman Catholic Church. (I was going to write “recent” allegations, but that would be incorrect. These allegations have been around for decades. It’s simply a matter of the evidence for it recently becoming so overwhelming that it can no longer be explained away as a series of misunderstandings or isolated incidents.)

Some have claimed that instances of pedophilia among the Catholic priesthood are not significantly higher than they are among the general population. I’m not certain that's accurate, but for the sake of argument, I will concede that point for the present. This pedophilia, as horrible as it is, is only part of the problem. The more sinister aspect of the sex abuse scandal, in my opinion, is what increasingly appears to be a concerted effort to place the reputation of the church above the well-being of the young sexual abuse victims.

Some have raised the point that it is perhaps unfair to single out the Catholic Church as an institution for these incidents since the people who committed these horrible deeds and those complicit in their cover-up and of the enabling of these child predators to strike again were merely human and that their behavior – reprehensible as is was – should not reflect upon the Church as a whole. I wholeheartedly disagree. Here’s why:

If you call a plumbing service, you expect the people there to be better than the average person when it comes to fixing showerheads and drains. If you go to a mechanic, you should expect them to know how to change a spark plug or a head gasket better than the average person. If, therefore, an institution claims to be a beacon of moral behavior, I would reasonably expect their representatives to excel in moral behavior! Simple as that. Claims that the Catholic clergy molest children at a rate equal to that of the general population simply doesn’t cut it for me. I would expect an institution claiming to instill moral behavior in others to have a rate far LOWER than that in the general population! If it didn’t, I would – like a plumbing service that employed people who knew diddly-squat about plumbing – have to question the reason for such an institution’s existence.

If there could possibly be any positive outcome to this tragic situation, it would be that this systematic abuse and cover-up is finally being exposed and the evidence is now out there for all to see. In the past, there were people who respected the clergy so much that anyone making claims of less-than-holy behavior on their part simply would not be believed. I know this for a fact since, when I told others about what I knew to be going on at the local parish, I was surprised at the number of people who simply refused to believe me, even though they knew me to be trustworthy and truthful in my communications with them otherwise. Now that the light of truth has entered the darkened corridors of the rectories, perhaps those who are abused in the future will be more readily believed… at least to the point that further investigation takes place when an allegation is made and swift and proper punitive action takes place in instances where the allegations are verified.

Worth Checking Out...

2010-04-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

For those few of you out there who may read this blog from time to time, I would like to suggest another blog that is definitely worth reading on a regular basis:

http://www.logictortured.com/

I may be a bit biased since it is written by a good friend of mine, but I think I can honestly say that I would enjoy it even if that weren't the case. It's updated frequently and always contains delicious electrifying brain candy!

Go there! NOW!

Thought for the Day

2010-04-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

ZEN: It's not a matter of whether a god really exists; it's whether the existence of a god really matters.

Spoiled and Lazy?

2010-04-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

Much has been made of the results of a recent survey of the so-called “Millennial” generation: defined as those between the ages of 18 and 29, in which they did not claim a strong work ethic was a defining trait of their generation.

Some commentators have slammed the Millennials for being “spoiled and lazy” as a result. I am not among them. Despite the temptation, as a middle-aged codger, to do what every generation since at least the Ancient Greeks has done by bad mouthing the younger folks, I must admit that I admire the honesty and perceptiveness of these young ‘uns.

Those older folks who decry the lack of enthusiasm for the 9-to-5 routine among these new members of the workforce are, in my opinion, making the mistake of looking at things based on their own perceptions of reality rather than what these Millennials have observed.

Think about it: when I was growing up, the narrative was if you do well in school, work hard and are loyal to your employer, you will be rewarded with a good income and financial security. And let’s face it, when my generation was growing up, our observations seemed to bear this out. People would work for decades on the shop floor and if they were fortunate enough not to die before retirement, they pretty well had it made. A nice pension, health insurance, a paid-off mortgage… It seemed like a good deal.

But think of what the Millennials are seeing: people who have done well in school and who have worked loyally and hard for their employers for decades are simply shunted aside just shy of retirement age and are left with no financial security and no job prospects. If I were in their place, working my ass off for some ungrateful employer would be the LAST damned thing I’d want to spend my life doing.

I spoke with people even older than me (yes, they do exist) who slammed these younger workers for their lack of loyalty to a company and their tendency to move from job to job whenever a better prospect would arise. They viewed this as a negative trait, but from the viewpoint of the Millennials, it was a rational decision. Why be “loyal” when such loyalty won’t bring any rewards in the long run? From their perspective, it makes sense for them not to get too involved in a job. They’re actually making shrewd observations of economic reality and are making their decisions and adjusting their values accordingly. In the past, people busted their asses for the boss because it would be worth it in the long run. Now, however, that the stick no longer has a carrot attached, why pull the bossman’s cart?

Perhaps these Millennials will be pioneers in formulating a new lifestyle which strikes a more healthy balance between the stresses of work and the joys of living. Perhaps they will learn to work to live rather than live to work.

So, to all you 18-29 year olds out there: more power to you. Learn from our mistakes and find your own path. You’re more than just a paycheck and a job description.

Nor'Easter

2010-04-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

For many married couples, the holidays sometimes present scenarios which need to be dealt with using the greatest tact and diplomacy. This Easter might have been one such instance. Should we spend the holiday with my wife’s sibling or with mine?

If we were to choose her sibling, we would spend a few days being spoiled shamelessly at a house within walking distance of the sandy beaches of Grand Traverse Bay dining on – among other delicacies – a standing rib roast and genuine Tiramisu. (Not to mention ample breakfasts featuring bacon cooked to sublime crispness by the only woman whose bacon-making talents have approached the perfection achieved by my late grandmother.) If we were to spend Easter with my sibling, however, we would spend it in the company of some creepy fundamentalist Christian in-laws and an equally creepy extended network of their friends and co-workers and siblings of co-workers…
And the cuisine? Let’s just say that one year we were treated to lukewarm instant mashed potatoes reconstituted with – nay – bathed in tepid soy milk.

Screw tact and diplomacy! Going to Traverse City was a no-brainer!

And so, on Saturday morning, the four of us and Lily the “Special” Maltipoo piled into the Toyota and commenced our trek northward. Unlike past excursions, we actually managed to leave at our planned departure time. Apparently the kids getting older combined with our experience packing for such trips have combined to make our travelling much more efficient than in previous years.
And so the humans involved were doing well. The canine traveler, though, wasn’t. When Lily noticed us packing up the leash and doggie bed, she started to freak out: separation anxiety without the separation, I suppose. She whined and hyperventilated in the back seat for the first half hour of the trip before finally settling down.

We decided to stop for lunch in Cadillac. Leanne saw a sign indicating an unnamed lake was ahead.
“I wonder what lake that is?” she asked.
“I dunno… Lake Cadillac?” was my smartass reply.
About a minute later we encountered a sign informing us that we were in the presence of… Lake Cadillac.
Damn! Even when I’m being intentionally stupid, I’m smart!
One thing a visitor cannot help but notice in the vicinity of Cadillac are all the anti-abortion signs. Lots of pictures of fetuses and babies and slogans such as “Take my hand, not my life.” Yep. Someone in Cadillac really, really, really hates abortion. I fantasized about wearing a T-shirt around town sporting the slogan “I (heart) abortions!” just to piss these people off. But I suspect anyone actually doing so would probably get a lethal dose of “Christian Love”.
I'm guessing all the infatuation with the unborn is somehow connected with the Catholic Church. You know, the folks who believe human life should be protected from the moment of conception until the moment of birth. After that, fuck ‘em. Figuratively and – in some horrific situations – literally.
(Okay, I realize this is supposed to be a lighthearted account of our recent trip to Traverse City, but you really couldn’t expect me to get through several paragraphs without a gratuitous slam against religion, could you? Besides, this is MY blog. If you want a more polite and civil blog, write your own!)
Anyway, we soon arrived at the sister-in-law’s without incident. The pantry was well stocked and our hostess was not about to let us leave weighing less than we did upon arrival.
Everything was wonderful… except the weather. This, however, was not as unfortunate as it may seem. I had long heard of the fine public library in Traverse City and since we couldn’t do much else, it was a perfect opportunity to… uh… “check it out”. (Sorry… I couldn’t resist the bad library pun.)
The Traverse City Library is wonderful! It’s a large, beautiful architecturally appealing building located on a scenic parcel of land near Boardman Lake with convenient access to the TART Trail. In Flint, such a parcel of land would most likely be occupied by condominiums.
Not only does the TC library boast excellent wireless internet access, but I was informed that Traverse City is planning to implement a free community wifi service later this year. Yep… the powers that be in the TC community view internet access as an essential public service and are willing to take steps to make it happen. I couldn’t help but contrast this with the situation in Flint where cuts in public services and a rash of arsons are plaguing the community. I kept wondering: why does Traverse City work while Flint seems broken? Maybe someday…
We spent that evening eating some delicious pizza and watching MSU lose in the Final Four basketball game against whoever-the-hell-they-were-playing-against. I was once a diehard U of M fan, but that all changed when they thumbed their noses at Flint by shit-canning WFUM. So now… it’s Go Green!
We spent a quiet Easter Sunday eating like royalty… from the aforementioned awesome bacon & eggs for breakfast to the juicy standing rib roast for dinner.
Sample dinner conversation:
“What’s in the bowl?”
“That’s the au jus.”
“Au jus? I didn’t think they celebrated Easter.” (You get one guess who couldn’t help say THAT!)
After the delicious roast - some divine Tiramisu for dessert. Damn! This was the life!
And since the weather was clear, the kids & I walked to the beach where I read, my son looked for fossils and my daughter took pictures of every animal that passed within a hundred yards.
The next day, the downtown shops were open. Used book stores, gift shops, food stores… Leanne actually had pity on me and allowed me to purchase a container of excellent Cherry-flavored loose leaf tea from one of the local vendors. Mmmmmm!
For lunch, we ate at a place I insist on calling – much to everyone’s annoyance – SlapChop. Actually, it’s called Slabtown (after the old name of the neighborhood in which it’s located). My wife once kept mistakenly calling it “Slaptown” and from that I morphed the name into the infamous product hawked by the ever-trustworthy “Vince” of TV infomercial fame.
SlapChop… uh… Slabtown is an incredible burger place. How good? I realize this may be speaking blasphemy, but it ranks with the best burger joints in Flint. I think I’m gaining weight just thinking about it!
Finally, no trip to Traverse City would be complete without a trip to Moomer’s, voted the best ice cream place in America by some TV show awhile back. (Yeah, I could do some basic research to look up the specifics, but then again, so can you. That’s what Google is for.)
Not only did I have some delicious German Chocolate ice cream, but we purchased a new product: Moomer’s milk. It’s not homogenized and is processed to get from the cow to the consumer as quickly as possible. And unlike most store-bought milk which could pass for opaque water, this milk has an actual… taste! (Imagine that!) It’s hard to describe, but it reminded me vaguely of tasting like the liquid one would encounter in cottage cheese. Kinda. Anyway, it was quite good and worth checking out.
While at Moomer’s, my sister-in-law was telling me about research where dairy cows were being raised in a stress-free environment and could be milked when they wanted to be and were exposed to soothing music.
“Great. My next CD will be ‘Music for Cows’” I quipped.
I spent that night awake in bed… seriously wondering what kind of music cows would enjoy.

And so, on Tuesday, we returned home. It was a nice break from the incessant job search and likely as close to a vacation we’re going to get this year.
It was fun.

Dei Gratia

2010-04-01T10:04:00.001-07:00

It happens with surprising frequency: a self-righteous sack of human fertilizer pounds pulpit or podium spewing words like napalm: homosexuality is SINFUL and IMMORAL! Gays are EVIL! Their agenda must be STOPPED!
And it’s usually just a matter of time before that person is exposed as a pathetic self-loathing gay man himself. (Do the names Ted Haggard or Republican California Senator Roy Ashburn ring a bell?)

I get somewhat that same feeling when I hear those teabaggers and militia-types harangue about the evils of tyranny and government intervention in one’s personal affairs. Sure, they certainly fling invective against tyranny and oppression, but I suspect, like the most vocal anti-gay activists, they actually harbor a deep and hidden lust for the very thing they rail against.
They fancy themselves the philosophical heirs to the American patriot movement of the 1770’s. Strangely, however, many of these tea party conservatives also state we should bring God back into government. (And in the case of Christian militia movements such as the Hutarees, they want to implement this civic piety by force.)
Which brings us back to the American Revolution. Look at a British coin from the colonial period. You’ll see a picture of King George III and the legend “Dei Gratia Rex” (“By the grace of God, King”). Now THERE’S a government based on the Lord! Right there on the coins it states that civil authority is derived by the grace of God. The American patriots, though, once they achieved independence from those who minted that coin and established a stable government, stated proudly it derived its authority from “We the People”. Damned secular rabble!

So despite all their posturing and attempts to assimilate the external trappings of the patriot movement, the fact is their ideology is more closely aligned with the British colonial authorities! In other words, if these guys somehow found themselves transported back to 1775, they’d be fighting for the Tories!
While you might think I’m merely indulging in a bit of rhetorical exaggeration in saying that, I assure you I mean it quite seriously. In defense of this proposition, may I submit for your consideration the recent actions by the conservative-dominated Texas School Board. In formulating new history standards, they are actually proposing the removal of Thomas Jefferson from the curriculum in favor of Thomas Aquinas (who argued the truth of the proposition on that British coin - that civil power is justly derived from the Almighty) and John Calvin (who actually set up a rather bloody, nasty and repressive theocracy in Geneva)! It seems the Hutarees would have been right at home there. Noodle on THAT for a bit!
(As an amusing aside, this same school board removed the children’s classic “Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?” from a list of approved elementary school texts. The reason? Its author, Bill Martin, was accused of writing a book on Marxism. It turns out, however, they had the wrong Bill Martin. The one who wrote the book on Marxism is a philosopher in Chicago and – aside from sharing a common name - has no connection to the children’s book author. Upon being informed of this, the embarrassed board reinstated the book. Yep. THIS is the caliber of intellect we’re dealing with!)

These people may TALK a lot about freedom, but I think freedom is what these people really can’t stand. Their flags may be emblazoned with the words “Don’t Tread on Me”, but I'm guessing if they had the chance they wouldn’t hesitate a minute to tread on US!

It's Official: Ricky Martin Announces He's Gay

2010-03-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

Duh.

Malti-Tasking

2010-03-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

About three years ago, we had a family vote about getting a dog. The final tally was three in favor, one opposed. Yours truly was the sole dissenting vote. I hadn’t had a dog my entire adult life and I wasn’t keen about getting one now. While the other family members thought only of a cute furry canine companion, I thought only of a poop-strewn lawn and chewed-up personal belongings.

I finally relented on condition that the three family members who wanted the dog would be the ones to take care of it.

And so they got a dog. It was what they called a “designer dog” which means essentially she’s just a mutt for which breeders charge a lot of money. She’s a maltipoo: part Maltese, part poodle. My son christened her “Lily” after Harry Potter’s mother. She spent the first few weeks at our home peeing, pooping and occasionally barfing on the floor, whining and chewing on my stuff. I found her annoying as hell.

And, while I realize it’s considered déclassé to use the word “retarded” in polite company, I honestly cannot think of a more accurate description of her mental capacities. But, in bowing to social convention, I shall merely say that she is a “special needs” dog in the intelligence department.

And while some animal experts have speculated that most domesticated dogs would only survive about a week without human help, in Lily’s case I think a one week life expectancy would be hopelessly optimistic. If there was any life-threatening stupid thing she could do, she would quickly and obliviously stumble into it. (For example, she has a tendency to be naively friendly toward cats. Even the hissing ones with arched backs, ready claws and erect fur.)

Fast forward to today. I’m unemployed, the kids are away at school and my wife is at work. I could just lie on the sofa and sleep the days away. Nobody would ever know. And there’s nothing to stop me.

Except that damned dog.

Sure… I said I wasn’t going to be the one taking care of her, but it’s just me and her. And she looks at me with those big, dark, clueless eyes. And it’s that dumb mutt that gives me the motivation to get off my ass and face the day. I shower and shave and get dressed and I commence the first of several daily canine perambulations.

And since I’m up and about, I may as well do my daily job search. And the house cleaning. And the yard work. And the cooking…

And although it’s true she likely wouldn’t last a week without a human around, I’m beginning to think perhaps I need that vacuous friendly furball just as much.

And upon closer reflection, I suppose she’s not all THAT bad. She does, despite her cranial deficiencies, have an unsettling though amazing ability to know when there’s food around to be mooched. And I can call her a “bitch” without fear of retribution. (Sorry ladies... it’s a guy thing.) And she lets me pet her as she lies on her favorite blanket on the La-Z-Boy and she loves licking my face.

Yep. I hate to admit when I’m wrong. But honestly, if we had that family vote to do over again, it would be resoundingly unanimous.

Men Can't Win

2010-03-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, all men were pigs. They were sexist, smelly, boorish drunks who wouldn’t lift a finger to help their wives around the house and certainly wouldn’t help with any childrearing chores.
Then one day, feminism happened. Women liberated themselves and in the process gave the more enlightened of our gender the opportunity to re-examine their societal roles and to liberate themselves as well. These men became more conscious of the expectations placed upon them and became more sensitive and aware of their relationship to their wives and family. As women increasingly entered the workforce, men found themselves in a position where being lazy on the home front was no longer an option. If they didn’t help out when their wives were working, the work simply wouldn’t get done.
So the men, reluctantly at first, started helping out. And a strange thing happened. These men who started becoming more involved in working around the house found it rewarding. Helping with the children allowed the dads to bond with their offspring in a more loving and human way than had been experienced in previous generations. And a more equitable division of domestic tasks promoted a more genuine feeling of togetherness between husband and wife. All was well. The liberation of women had also resulted in a liberation of men and together both genders had advanced from the abyss of sexism to the rarified apex of gender equality.

Or so we guys thought.

It turns out we had been horribly misled. While we guys thought we were being helpful, it now turns out that every diaper changed and every armoire dusted was a veritable knife driven into our spouse’s hearts. And the tragedy is compounded by the fact we thought we were doing the right thing!
You see, researchers at the University of Texas in Austin have just completed a study indicating that husbands who are competent with parenting and domestic duties are destroying the self-esteem of their wives! We thought we were being helpful while we were actually putting them through an emotional Cuisinart!
This travesty must be corrected! From now on, the self-esteem of my beloved spouse will be my top priority! No more helping around the house! The kids can fend for themselves! I simply will not, through my actions, condemn my wife to the apocalypse of low self-esteem!

So tonight, when I yell “Gimme a beer, bitch!” from the sofa during the big game, please be aware I’m doing it for HER benefit, not mine. It will be difficult, but sacrifices will have to be made. Her self-esteem is far too precious to go unprotected!

Clandestine Bread Diary - Entry One

2010-03-16T11:53:00.000-07:00

Having been unemployed for over six weeks now, I'm getting the hang of the daily job search and of walking Lily the Maltipoo and driving the kids all over the place. I've also done much more cooking - achieving a degree of proficiency that surprised even me. In addition, I am doing some midweek grocery shopping on behalf of the wife. While going through the local store's bakery section on one such excursion, I happened to notice all the different kinds of bread and the pleasant aromas coming from the ovens. Years ago, I had a job cleaning a bakery at a grocery store in my hometown, so it wasn't an entirely foreign atmosphere to me.

And then it struck me...

Just because I'm unemployed doesn't mean I have to be lazy! If I can't "make bread" in the metaphorical sense, why not make it in the literal sense? It would be a sort of therapy... salving a psyche left fragile by numerous rejections on the job front. That night, I excitedly passed along this excellent idea to my wife. Besides, I know she likes warm, fresh bread. It would be a win-win situation!

"Baking bread is too difficult for you", she said. "You have to use yeast and the water has to be the exact temperature and you have to wait for it to rise. You won't be able to handle it."

Poor Leanne. She somehow had the naive and mistaken belief that the difficulty of the task would frighten me off. You'd think that after over 20 years of wedded tolerance she would have caught on to my fondness for the Quixotic. The more daunting a task, the more intrigued I become.

"What? You mean it's really involved? So what you're saying is it will be like a challenge! Just the sort of thing I'll need to keep my mind occupied until I find a job. What's wrong with learning something new?"

At that point she gave me the glowering look that usually portends earth-shattering doom.

"You are NOT - repeat NOT! - going to bake bread!!! You're going to make a mess of my kitchen and you're going to screw up the recipe anyway! Besides, you can buy bread at the store for next to nothing. What the hell are you thinking? Just forget all about that stupid idea!!!"

But to me, that's like saying "Why buy a guitar and learn how to play when you can buy a CD of a really good guitar player for cheap?"

Women.

So I have resolved to pick up some books on making bread at the local library. I'll see if it's something I might actually be able to do.

(Shhhh... don't tell Leanne!)

I'll keep you posted.

Lions & Tigers & Lesbians... Oh My!

2010-03-13T11:55:00.000-08:00

In an earlier posting, I had discussed a book which argued Neanderthals weren’t as backward and brutish as once believed. It appears, however, that certain members of the species Homo sapiens are displaying behavior better suited to the early Paleolithic.

In Jackson, Mississippi, a Lesbian student wanted to bring a female date to the senior prom. She also wanted to wear a tuxedo. Personally, I feel as long as she buys the prom ticket, she should be allowed to bring whomever she likes. And trust me; having seen some of the prom dresses being worn nowadays, a tux would be downright refreshing.

Well, the school board couldn’t leave well enough alone. They tried to ban the gay couple from attending. When the ACLU threatened to file a lawsuit to allow her to attend, the school board simply cancelled the prom altogether.

So, of course, people are blaming the Lesbian teen for the prom being cancelled!

News flash! The teen didn’t cancel the prom; the homophobic school board did! News flash number two: most high school students today don’t give a rodent’s behind about anyone’s sexual orientation. There are so many successful openly gay people out there it’s simply no big deal to them. It’s the old farts who have the hang-ups about it.

If I were rich and famous, I’d rent out a hall down there for those who wish to attend to have a prom anyway and tell the school board to go to hell.

Of course, it should come as no surprise that the main opponents to having a (gasp!) Lesbian at a prom are Christian fundamentalists.

And it is also no surprise that these backasswards morons are trying to spin the debate so as to make themselves look like the victims. One Baptist minister went so far as to complain that the South was being made to appear “backwards” when, in fact, it was merely a case of Southerners having “biblically based values”.

Hmmm… could it possibly be that in comparison to enlightenment values “biblically based values” ARE backward?

Triumph of the Will... DeLayed

2010-03-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

There’s a unique feeling of bemusement one feels seeing a self-professed expert say with impeccable authority things you know are complete bullshit. He may be fooling others, but you know for a fact he’s a complete idiot.

I first experienced that feeling around 1974. There had been a spring thaw after a major snowstorm. The Shiawassee River was rising dramatically. An unusually large volume of water was spilling over the Fenton millpond dam, but it was holding out just fine. Then, however, an “expert” noticed that there was a crack in the dam! It must have been caused by the flood waters! This “expert” soon was on the radio and TV warning the dam was about to burst and people downstream of it were in danger! I was 11 years old and knew he was full of shit. That crack had been there as long as I could remember. It had been there as long as my dad could remember. And the old-timers in the area knew that crack had been there since at least the 1940’s and had been caused by routine settling of the concrete and that the dam was as structurally sound as the day it was made.
Needless to say, despite the expert’s prediction of calamity, the dam didn’t burst and, in fact, is still sitting there serenely – settling crack and all – over 35 years later.
I learned a valuable lesson: just because someone says they know what’s going on doesn’t mean they do.

I am torn between that strange feeling of bemusement and just plain anger when I now hear other self-professed “experts” – most recently conservative commentators George Will and Tom DeLay – say that unemployment benefits are a disincentive to people finding work and are somehow “promoting laziness”. As someone who now depends on unemployment insurance to keep paying the bills to maintain food and shelter for my family and myself, I would like to make a few observations.

First of all, despite the stereotype, a vast majority of people on unemployment not only WANTS to work, they WERE gainfully employed... most for many years. We are not collecting unemployment because we thought it would be fun to sit around the house all day doing nothing… we’re collecting it because our jobs were eliminated! If I was offered a choice between collecting unemployment and a job, I would take the job in an instant…even if it paid the same or even less than unemployment. But that’s the problem. There are no jobs out there. I know because I have been looking for months and have sent out countless resumes for any job for which I was even remotely qualified. I have a college degree, a great work record and excellent references. Still no job offers.

Second, in Michigan at least, collecting unemployment insurance is contingent upon posting a resume on the Michigan Works website, which may be accessed by employers throughout the state. One must post the resume and have it verified in person at the Michigan Works office before you can even be considered for receiving unemployment insurance.

Finally, and most damning to the assertions of Will and DeLay, if you are offered a job and you refuse it, you lose your benefits. Simple as that. When one verifies their unemployment status every two weeks under the Michigan system, one of the questions asked is: “Have you refused a job offer in the past two weeks?” If you have, buh-bye unemployment benefits. And making a false statement in that regard makes one liable to criminal prosecution.

As I have stated before in this blog, given the high unemployment rate, conservatives are faced with a choice: they must either concede there is a problem with the system or with the people who are unemployed. The last thing they would want to do is admit there may be flaws in unregulated free-market capitalism, so they claim it must be the fault of the (ex-)workers.

As far as I’m concerned, that’s libelous. I would invite either Mr. Will or Mr. DeLay to spend a day with me as I take hours doing a job search and filling out applications when there are possible openings. I’ll show ‘em how “lazy” and “unwilling” I am to find employment!

Instead of bitching about the people who have lost their jobs, why don’t they fix this Capitalist system to which they constantly offer Hosannas of praise? If they can’t, perhaps it’s time to try something else. And if they don't, it'll be a dam shame.

Coming Up Next... in My Dreams

2010-03-09T08:43:00.000-08:00

I suppose everybody has an idea for a TV show and I’m no different. So here’s mine. There’s a cool website called random.org that has lots of interesting random number generators and whatnot. One of my favorite applications on that site, however, is a tool that allows you to select random geographic coordinates. Just press a button and it picks a random spot on the planet superimposed on Google maps.

The idea for the show is simplicity itself: click for a random spot on earth and go there with a camera crew. See what’s there. Talk to the people if there are any around. What’s the site’s history? What’s it like now? If, as statistically is likely, the random spot is in the middle of an ocean, get a submarine and look around to see what kind of fish and sea critters there are.

The place that is randomly picked may be idyllic; it may be a war ravaged hellhole. That’s part of the point. Just pick a random spot and see what’s there.

So I’ve got the idea… now all I need is equipment, a production budget, a distributor…

More Educational Stuff

2010-03-08T16:38:00.000-08:00

No need to thank me, but here are some more helpful definitions:

DEFER - What a pet groomer trims off dedog or decat.

EXFOLIATE - What comes after exfoliseven.

HUMANE - The state next to Huvermont and Hunewhampshire.

Must...Have... (Quality)...Tea...

2010-03-06T15:19:00.000-08:00

This is wrong. Horribly, metaphysically, cosmically wrong.

I knew that with unemployment and its resultant reduction in income I would need to make sacrifices. And I have. All unnecessary purchases have been eliminated. Books? Can’t buy ‘em anymore. I’ve gotta hope the ones I want show up at the library someday. Clothes? Salvation Army. Food? Ramen noodles.

For the most part, I have adjusted to this new asceticism fairly well… with one oh-so-major exception. Tea. I have the distinct disadvantage of being an incorrigible tea snob on a limited income. The thought of having to consume common swill via teabags is anathema to me. I must have high-quality loose leaf tea. Twining’s at the very least. I suppose Teavana isn’t a realistic option anymore. Hell, if I were a rich zillionaire I’d go to Toronto’s House of Tea and stock up on hundreds of dollars worth of the most amazing teas available in North America. But I’ve gotta wait at least until I either win the lottery or get a job. And in this economy I can’t say for certain which is the more likely possibility.

This sucks. Perhaps I can ask for a Teavana gift certificate for my birthday. But dammit, that won’t be until July. My Twining tins are down to nothing but tea dust.

Things could get very, very, very ugly…

Education Corner

2010-03-03T15:04:00.000-08:00

As a public service, and in an attempt to increase the vocabulary of our youth, I plan on occasion to present some words and their definintions. Hopefully the lexicon of future generations will become correspondingly embiggened. The first installment:

DECIPHER - One tenth of a pher.

EMULATE - A large flightless bird that has trouble with puncuality.

SUBLIME - Similar to a sublemon, but green.

Go Buzz, Go!

2010-03-03T09:53:00.000-08:00

Despite the self-delusion that I am above certain of the lower-hanging fruits of pop culture, I must admit to being intrigued by the selection of Apollo 11 astronaut and moonwalker Buzz Aldrin to compete in the upcoming season of “Dancing with the Stars”. While I must confess that particular program is not “appointment viewing” for me, I still think it’s great Buzz will be competing. Admittedly I have no high hopes for his ability to get very far in the competition; he is, after all, an 80-year-old white guy with a doctorate in astrophysics. Nerd-cred? Yes. Funky-dance-move-cred? Not likely.

Still, I hope he does better than that pathetobnoxious media slore Kate Gosselin. Seeing Buzz outlast her on the show would be schadenfreudelicious!

As you may have guessed, I don’t like Kate. No… it goes beyond NOT liking her. It’s more of an inherent INABILITY to like her. I realize it is most likely a severe character flaw on my part, but there is literally nothing she could ever do to make me find her anything more than retch-worthy. If she rescued my children from a burning building and sustained fatal burns in the process and her last dying wish was for me to like her and she offered her last breath as a penance to me, though as a parent I would be grateful for her actions, I’d STILL find her creepy and obnoxious.

Now… what was I talking about? Oh yeah… Buzz Aldrin. Sorry ‘bout that.

Anyway, the real reason I wish Buzz Aldrin well in the competition is one which perhaps is unexpected. True, anyone who knows me even casually cannot help but be aware of my obsession with manned space flight… particularly Project Apollo. But surprisingly, that’s only part of my interest. The primary reason I want Buzz Aldrin to have a good time is because of his most courageous act. No, I’m not talking about climbing into a Saturn V or a Titan booster or even his combat missions during the Korean War. Those, though dangerous, were calculated risks. If things had gone to hell he would at least be assured a hero’s funeral and the admiration of others.

No, in my opinion the bravest thing he ever did was write the 1973 autobiography “Return to Earth”. In that book, Aldrin openly discussed his battles with depression after the conclusion of his successful Apollo 11 mission. While in today’s world of “tell all” books this may not seem like much, in its time the book was nothing less than a revelation. Here was a person from a hyper-alpha-male military/astronaut background - where even the slightest hint of weakness was anathema - talking openly about his struggles with mental illness. In doing so, he exposed himself to charges of being a “wimp” (actually, being in the military, that would likely have been one of the milder epithets hurled his way).

In the spirit of Aldrin's book, and as someone who has dealt with mental health issues in the past (in my case, anxiety disorder) here are a few things I’d like to pass along to others – particularly men - who may be dealing with anxiety or depression:
First of all, get help. Don’t try to be all macho about it and suffer in silence. Quite often it’s the macho bullshit and the pervasive need to look invincible that causes these problems. We men are pretty damned stupid in this regard. This is clearly one area where we have a LOT to learn from women. As a general rule, women tend to be much more honest and open in their communication and are less ashamed to confide in each other when they need help. That’s one thing that made Buzz Aldrin’s book so important: he was a man with undeniable "guy cred" telling other men this is an important medical issue which had been ignored far too long. If you think you may be suffering from depression, talk to a trusted friend or a reputable medical practitioner. Second, don’t be ashamed of it. The brain is a biological organ just like your heart or liver or pancreas. Having a mental disorder doesn’t make you a bad or ethically weak person any more than a kidney infection does. Third, if a health professional prescribes medication for the condition, take it as directed. If you have any adverse reactions, tell your doctor. Let him or her know what works for you and what doesn’t. While the medical folks are usually knowledgeable and helpful, in the end you’re the best judge of how your body is reacting. Finally, be patient. I know from hard personal experience this is difficult, but as you battle mental conditions, be aware that they don’t cure themselves overnight and that the brain needs time to recover. Just as a broken leg needs time to heal, your mind needs time, too. When things are bad, learn to be like a passenger in a jet plane hit by turbulence: don’t fight it; just “ride it out” in the knowledge things WILL get better. Just as with a broken bone, if it heals properly, your mind can come back stronger than before.

All of which somehow brings me back to Buzz Aldrin. He not only has come through his battle with depression but has used his experiences to help others. And so, while I think Buzz’s chances of winning the dancing competition are about nil, I genuinely hope he has a wonderful time for as long as he’s on the program. He’s earned it.

Random Incoherent Ranting

2010-03-01T17:49:00.000-08:00

Back in late 2008, when Wall Street was collapsing under the weight of its own greed and incompetence, among the corporations who went whimpering to the government tin cup in hand was Citibank. According to reports they received hundreds of billions of our tax dollars to bail them out of the self-created mess.

Fast forward to 2010: I receive a letter in the mail informing me I am to be charged an annual $60 fee for the privilege of having their credit card in my wallet whether I use it or not. Leanne and I decided that was bullshit and resolved to cancel our account with Citibank.

We then called the customer support number for Citibank to cancel the credit card and were greeted on the phone by a man with a thick Indian accent who insisted his name was “Steve”. (Yeah… right.)

And that’s another thing that really gets me. Conservatives generally argue for tax cuts for corporations on the grounds that doing so will allow them to hire more workers. That may have been true at one time, but now any service and manufacturing jobs created by additional tax cuts would almost certainly go to Asia. Personally, I think any company that outsources their jobs overseas should be taxed at a 90% rate. If they hire American workers, their taxes would then be decreased considerably. Not that anybody in power is listening.

Even a cursory look at economic history shows a nation's prosperity is closely tied to its manufacturing base. It seems that many corporations are screwing America in the name of short-term profits and are enriching other nations in the process. Corporations that outsource are, in my opinion, committing economic treason. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Things have got to change soon or they're going to get ugly. The American people are usually patient, but that patience isn’t infinite. The status quo should not – indeed I think it cannot – last. The next few years could get interesting.

I Did It!

2010-02-27T11:15:00.000-08:00

In an earlier posting, I had mentioned my craving for poutine... the Canadian contribution to cardiac-clogging cuisine. Well, today I satisfied those cravings. For lunch today, I mixed fries, cheese curds and gravy and made my own poutine. For a first attempt, I must say it came out quite well.
I loved it. The rest of the family were - shall we say - slightly less enthusiastic. Too bad for them.
One thing I can say: although plain poutine is delicious by itself, topping it off with bacon bits will cause you to face Ottawa and bow down in reverence to our northern neighbo(u)rs.
Yum!

Book Review: "The Humans Who Went Extinct"

2010-02-25T19:31:00.000-08:00

Pity the poor Neanderthals. Not only did they have the misfortune of going extinct, they did so millennia before they could hire a good public relations firm to polish their image. As a result, to call someone a “Neanderthal” has become an insult… evoking images of knuckle-dragging, stupid, lazy apelike creatures who liked to club each other over the head at the entrances to their filthy unadorned caves.

The narrative in popular culture has been that the Neanderthals were too stupid to survive whereas Homo sapiens, with their advanced intelligence, were able to adapt and prosper.

According to the new book “The Humans Who Went Extinct: Why the Neanderthals Died Out and We Survived” by Clive Finlayson, however, this isn’t necessarily the way it really happened. In fact, argues Finlayson, Neanderthals were much more advanced than we give them credit for and their extinction – and our ancestors’ survival – may be more the result of chance environmental circumstance than to any inherent superiority of modern humans. One surprising bit of evidence is the picture on the book’s cover: a reconstruction – based on the latest skeletal and genetic evidence - of what a Neanderthal boy may have looked like. Instead of the brutish caricature we have become accustomed to, the boy looks remarkably… well… human.

When I went to school, the standard model of human evolution was summed up in the familiar illustration showing a succession of creatures in a straight line, starting with a small monkey-like critter on one end and evolving – neatly and one species at a time - almost inevitably into modern humans at the other end. Finlayson’s book shows that the truth is far more complex and far more difficult to unravel from the fossil, genetic and cultural evidence. Rather than a simple progression from one hominid species to another, human origins are a complex tangled bush with many dead-ends and multiple branches co-existing in time, if not in location.

In fact, one of the amazing speculations in this book is that Homo sapiens, Homo neaderthalensis and a remnant population of Homo erectus may have all been living at times that overlapped.

The author of this book knows his stuff since he was involved in studying one of the final homes of the Neanderthals: a cave on the rock of Gibraltar. By studying the clues left behind in that cave, he has been able to reconstruct details of their life that were previously unknown.

Case in point: anyone (or anything) that has ever tried to catch a rabbit can attest to the fact that doing so is a difficult prospect. When my mentally defective yet lovable maltipoo Lily sees one, for example, she becomes a canine torpedo… but despite her best efforts and numerous close calls she never seems to catch one. In short, if you’re lazy and stupid, you can pretty much forget about adding bunny cacciatore to your cave’s menu. Thing is, an examination of the bones in the cave showed that rabbits made up a majority of them. Neanderthals obviously weren’t as dopey as advertised.

Why, then, did they die out? In his explanation, it’s easy to draw parallels between Finlayson’s work and that of Jered Diamond who argued in “Guns, Germs and Steel” that the cultural and technological differences between human populations on different continents had more to do with geographic chance than with any inherent differences between the abilities of these populations. To put things in an oversimplified form, Neanderthals preferred to hunt by ambush. This method worked best in wooded areas where animals were more usually alone and easier to sneak up on. When the climate changed and these wooded areas were replaced by open grassland, it was to the detriment of the Neanderthals. When you’re in an open plain, it’s kind of difficult to sneak up on a Wooly Mammoth.
Homo sapiens, however, used hunting methods better suited to hunting in these expanding grasslands. Thus they survived and the Neanderthals died out. (Like I said, this is an oversimplified version, but the book discusses things in far better detail.)

I suppose I could write more but – although it appears the Neanderthals weren’t lazy and slothful - I most decidedly am, so I’ll just leave things off here. Suffice to say that this is a fascinating book and I highly recommend it to anyone with an interest in the complex story of human origins.

Not Really a Podcast, but...

2010-02-25T05:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, as if I hadn't bogged down both my readers with enough audio links in my previous posting, there's one more site I want to mention: the Presidential Recordings section in the Scripps Library folder in the Miller Center for Public Affairs website.
This is a fascinating collection of secret presidential recordings from Franklin Roosevelt to Richard Nixon. (Nixon is the last one - at least as far as we know - who made secret recordings. If you don't know why his successors finally realized secretly taping things probably wasn't such a great idea, you need a refresher course in US history.)
Anyway, these recordings are a fascinating look into not only the processes of presidential power but also into the personalities of the presidents themselves. Roosevelt can be heard trading chatty "off the record" stories with members of the press. Johnson is revealed as a master of arm-twisting and consensus-building (and in LBJ's world, these were often one and the same). One of Johnson's last requests to his secretary was that his recordings be destroyed. Luckily for history and for Johnson's legacy , they were preserved. Although the recordings reveal a more unguarded side of LBJ, they also reveal a more human side. Johnson seems like a genuinely likable man who actually wanted to do the right thing and knew how to get things done. Unfortunately, you can also hear the slow and almost imperceptible descent into the tragic quagmire of Vietnam. I honestly think if it weren't for Vietnam, Johnson would now be regarded as one of our greatest presidents. I think these recordings bear that out.
The Nixon recordings, on the other hand, reveal a president who - quite frankly - was a jerk. Where Johnson tried to build alliances, Nixon's tapes reveal him as paranoid, vengeful, short-tempered and petty. And those aren't even the tapes that deal with Watergate. Nixon doesn't come off well at all.
But those are just my opinions. The cool thing is you can go directly to the website and listen for yourself. If you're a history nerd, you'll love it!

Podcasts I Dig

2010-02-22T11:18:00.000-08:00

I have heard of studies in which people were asked what purchases they have made that have made them happiest and are then asked which purchases have cost them the most. The interesting thing is there is usually very little overlap between the two lists.
For me, a recent purchase that has brought me a great deal of pleasure has been a 2GB Sony Walkman MP3 player... purchased dirt cheap since it was a store display model. It has brought me countless hours of enjoyment while doing housework, walking the Maltipoo or just lounging around.
While, like many MP3 listeners, I enjoy my share of music, the majority of my listening time is devoted to podcasts. Not that anyone has asked, but I figured I would share my list of favorite podcasts in case you would like to know why I’m the way I am.

So, in no particular order:

WORLD OF RADIO – While I now listen to this program in podcast form, my experience with it goes back for decades before podcasts were even invented. Having been a dedicated listener to international shortwave broadcasts since the 1970’s, I remember hearing this program, with host Glenn Hauser, since it began airing on shortwave in the 1980’s. Glenn’s take on the world of international broadcasting is clear and detailed. It is by far the best resource for anyone who likes listening to shortwave or other international broadcasting. While his delivery style may make the average golf announcer seem hyperactive in comparison, Hauser delivers the goods in a no-nonsense manner that is a refreshing change from many “style over substance” programs. He does have a wry sense of humor, but you have to listen closely or you might miss it.

FREETHOUGHT RADIO – Sponsored by the Freedom from Religion Foundation, this weekly podcast is derived from a radio program aired locally in the Madison, Wisconsin area and on a few other radio stations throughout the nation (and had previously been on the Air America network before its demise). This podcast deals with state-church separation issues, primarily ones in the United States. They usually interview guest authors and activists who are often fascinating and offer views not usually heard elsewhere. I can’t tell you how many books I have read after hearing their authors interviewed on this program.
This program is a good source of information on current events involving religion, the civil rights of non-believers and the intersection and entanglement of religion with politics.

PLANETARY RADIO – The weekly podcast of the Planetary Society. This podcast provides the latest news about space exploration both current and planned, manned and unmanned. Geeky yet accessible. They feature a weekly space trivia contest on which yours truly once won a Mars T-shirt. How can I not love a show like that? They also offer tips on “What’s Up” in the night sky for the current week. Listen. Then stargaze. Heck… listen WHILE stargazing!

ASTRONOMYCAST – Hosted by Fraser Cane and Dr. Pamela Gay, this podcast is perfect both for the astronomy geek as well as those with a more casual interest in the subject. The latter, though, should be warned that a few listens to this podcast will likely transform you into the former. The hosts of this podcast know their stuff and aren’t afraid to tackle complex subjects in such a way that it becomes understandable to an intelligent layman. (Well… usually. I fear I may have injured something in my brain after hearing an episode on the expansion of the early universe.) Although my interest in the subject matter would make this podcast a “must listen” for me anyway, I must now confess one of my darkest secrets: I find Dr. Gay’s voice incredibly sexy. The fact that she uses its bubbly velvet softness to explain such things as binary stars and multiverses only increases her siren-song irresistibility. Go ahead… call me a sexist male chauvinist pig. I defiantly and shamelessly choose to luxuriate under the warm blanket of her techno-verbage. I’ve written before about how I think nerdy women are totally hot… and Dr. Gay is the alpha nerdess. I willingly submit to her geekdom!
Oh… and even if you are somehow waxen-eared enough to be immune to the charms of Dr. Gay’s dulcet tones, you’ll probably like this podcast anyway. Lots of good astronomy info. It’ll help your brain “get its geek on”! Dig it.

QUIRKS AND QUARKS – Since NPR killed “Sounds Like Science” years ago, this Canadian offering is now probably the best weekly science show in an audio format. On each episode, host Bob McDonald presents several interesting stories from the world of science and technology. This is always cool stuff. There is never a dull story. This program has a way of making things you thought you didn’t care about sound interesting. This is another of those shows that help keep bookstores and libraries in business since many of the people interviewed on the program have written books about their work. Like science itself, you never know what’s going to happen next. One story may be about feathered dinosaurs, the next could be about algae and the next could be about advanced particle physics. If variety is indeed the spice of life, you can think of Quirks and Quarks as the “General Tso’s Chicken” of science podcasts.

SKEPTICS GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE – AWE! SOME! This show is a geek’s dream come true. It takes media coverage of science news and subjects it to a good dose of critical thinking. It also shamelessly smacks down stupidity in the popular milieu. It’s smart, fast-paced, irreverent and always cool. This is one show that will not only make you smarter, it’ll make you cooler and make your breath minty fresh! Well, okay, maybe not… but it IS a really amazingly groovy show. They have great interviews with guests who are always interesting and informative, the hosts are bubbling over with delicious nerd-cred and their look at the science headlines and regular features such as “Who’s That Noisy” and “Science or Fiction” will give your gray matter a workout. Listen or be condemned to eternal suckage!
(By the way, the SGU has a companion podcast called “5x5” in which the hosts of the SGU discuss a given topic of interest for about 5 minutes. Also very cool.)

SKEPTICALITY – Hosted by Derek & Swoopy, this is one of the pioneering skeptical podcasts. Just to put things in perspective, back in the day, the mainstream media usually presented “both sides” of an issue in the interest of “fairness”. While in the field of political opinions this may have some merit, the media unfortunately thought this template would work when reporting the field of science as well. It doesn’t. Science isn’t about opinion; it’s about methods of determining truth. There generally aren’t “two sides” of an issue in science. You either have the evidence to back up your assertions or you don’t. If, for example, I don’t have evidence to back up my hypothesis and you do, then my opinion ISN’T “equal” to yours. The evidence gives your view more validity. And if I am intellectually honest, I will readily concede that you are right and I am wrong in that case. The process of winnowing truth from bullshit is what skepticism is all about. Derek & Swoopy were one of the first if not THE first to present skeptical ideas in a popular podcast form. Many have followed their lead and many of these successors are great in their own right, but Skepticality still deserves credit and still delivers the goods!

SKEPTOID – A real cool weekly program hosted and researched by Brian Dunning. This program typically examines some sort of mysterious/unexplained phenomenon and uses science, investigation and critical thinking to get to the truth. Very detailed, very thorough and very entertaining. Each episode usually is 10-12 minutes long and this convenient length makes it a good listen for me just before bedtime.

ARE WE ALONE – Although this weekly podcast is produced by the SETI institute, (you know… SETI as in the folks looking for extraterrestrial life) this show is about much more than seeking out little green men.
This program features much more ambitious audio production standards than the typical podcast. Whereas some science podcasts deal with several different stories that are in the news, Are We Alone tends to go with a theme and stick with it for the entire show. These folks seem to have access to great guests who know their stuff. I have a feeling we can expect some great episodes from these folks in the future.

AMERICAN FREETHOUGHT – Two guys from Atlanta discussing current topics in freethought and conducting interviews. Good stuff! I haven’t listened to this podcast as long as I have some others, but what I’ve heard thus far has been well worth the listen.

SECULAR NATION – One guy from Atlanta presenting articles from Secular Nation magazine. This one is sometimes more of an “audio book” than a discussion or interview program, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The articles are always thought-provoking, in-depth examinations of issues of interest to the atheist/freethought community and well worth a listen.

NON-PROPHETS – This one has been a favorite of mine for years. The format is simplicity itself: a group of atheists from the Austin Texas area sit around a microphone and discuss current events from an atheist perspective. Opinionated and informed, this show is at its best when discussing current happenings in the news. Sometimes it can get into some rather philosophical discussions such as the nature of free will and the like which – to me – devolve into an atheist version of the old “How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?” debate. But when they get going on current topics in the news, they’re great. One thing that makes this podcast interesting is the fact that the hosts don’t always agree on the issues and their sometimes spirited debates can expose listeners to opinions one might not have previously considered. This podcast underscores that atheist opinions are not monolithic and there are a wide range of ideas within the movement. Worth checking out!

RATIONALLY SPEAKING – I can’t say too much about this podcast yet because at the time of this writing it is still brand new, with only a couple episodes having been produced. One promising thing this podcast has going for it is host Massimo Pigliucci, whom I have heard interviewed on other podcasts in the past. Dr. Pigliucci is both a scientist and philosopher which allows him some fascinating insights not only into what the science is, but why it matters and how it may affect us. This one has some real potential!

FOR GOOD REASON – This is another new one. Sort of. Unless it isn’t. Host DJ Grothe used to host the “Point of Inquiry” podcast for the Center for Inquiry. He is now the head honcho of the James Randi Educational Foundation and is doing this podcast… which is kind of like his old podcast but with a different title and different theme music. So it’s new. Or old. Or… whatever. All I care about is it’s good. DJ Grothe has a way of booking great guests though he doesn’t fawningly lob softball questions at them. He asks tough questions that get to the heart of complex issues and that’s what makes this podcast stand out.

ARCHIVE.ORG

For those who don’t yet know about it, archive.org is one of the greatest websites out there. In the past, the question was “which five books (or records) would you take with you if you were to be stranded on a desert island?” Nowadays, I suppose the question would be updated to “if you were trapped on a desert island and had to choose only five websites you could access, which sites would they be?” Archive.org would be a no-brainer choice for me. Archive.org has a mind-bogglingly immense treasure trove of printed material, scanned books, audio and video offerings of all sorts. Just how much stuff do they have? Let me put it this way, they had some song demos I myself had recorded years ago which I didn’t even have copies of!

I can’t mention archive.org without giving a shout-out to Aaron Stengel, who is the supreme overlord and main worker bee of the Flint Underground Music Archive (see the ad/link at the top of this blog). Many of the audio offerings on the FUMA are also available on archive.org. I’m not a techie-nerd so I don’t know how that all works, but if you’re looking for cool Flint toonz, the Flint Underground Music Archive as well as archive.org can get ‘em to ya.

Another of my favorite search items on archive.org are the audio compendiums of someone going by the name Norelpref. I have no idea who Norelpref is and, perversely, I have no desire to find out. If I were to learn anything about Norelpref it would be like learning the Tooth Fairy is really your mom or that the Wizard of Oz is just Some-Guy-Behind-a-Curtain. I prefer the blissful ignorance of believing these amazing audio collages will just sort of appear sui generis on the archive.org website.
How does one describe the Norelpref compendiums? Well… you can’t, really. Each one is approximately an hour’s worth of sliced-up manipulated audio strangeness that is immensely fascinating if you give it a chance. Let's just say this: imagine having a demon-possessed radio that switched stations at random, recording its output, running that tape through a high-speed blender and then listening to the resultant audio under the influence of mescaline. That just begins to describe this show’s weirdness.
Alternately nightmarish and hilarious. Always compelling. If you want audio art, this is the real deal. Just download one and listen for yourself.

Another cool feature at archive.org is a gigabyte-bustingly-huge collection of old time radio shows. I sometimes like to just pick one at random and listen to it. By doing so, I’ve discovered some real gems I may not have otherwise known about. The old series “Vic and Sade” is one example. If I may digress to make a point, I’ve always felt the way to distinguish between a late Baby Boomer and an early Gen X-er was whether or not they thought the TV series “Seinfeld” was great. If they did: Gen-X. If not, like me: Baby Boomer. Those who drone on about the greatness of “Seinfeld” generally make a big deal about how the series was “about nothing”. Well, “Vic and Sade” was doing that back in the 1930’s. And doing it far better, in my opinion. Vic and Sade is a quirky, low-key but strangely compelling series. Sadly, many of the original recordings were destroyed prior to 1940, but luckily the recordings which survive are easily accessible on archive.org. There are a gazillion other old radio shows to choose from, too, so look around!

One final thought before I complete my rambling for the day: you may have noticed that a number of the podcasts I listen to are from an atheist or freethought perspective. The fact that I myself am an atheist, of course, has a lot to do with that, but despite the fact that many of these programs have been around for years now, with others constantly starting up, their very existence is still a source of fascination to me. Those of you readers who may be decades younger than me may not recall a time when an atheist viewpoint could not be expressed openly in the media without it either being sensationalized or the atheist view being presented as part of a “debate” with a religious person since the presenting entity somehow felt a need to “balance” the atheist’s views with a religious viewpoint. (Of course, the hypocrisy of that view was easily exposed when it was pointed out that when, say, Billy Graham or a Catholic bishop were interviewed, the media outlets never seemed to deem it necessary to book an atheist onto the interview for “equal time” or “balance”.)
The fact that the internet allows open unfiltered expression of atheist viewpoints BY atheists via podcasts is, I think, a major contributing factor in the recent significant increase in the number of Americans openly embracing atheism, especially among younger people.
It’s wonderful that atheists can openly express their opinions and that I am free to blog about it. Yet another reason to love the internet!
Those of you who have grown up with the internet should realize what a wonderful thing it is. Imagine a world where there were only three TV networks and the only easily available up-to-date printed matter was the local newspaper. It wasn’t that long ago, kiddies! Please don’t take it for granted!

Dealing With the Deficit - One Suggestion

2010-02-19T05:26:00.000-08:00

I've heard in the news that President Obama has appointed a bipartisan committee to look into reducing the budget deficit. This, I feel, is a crucial task which must be dealt with effectively and decisively if we are to ensure the long-term survival of our national economy. If we continue with high levels of deficit spending, we will need to keep borrowing from other countries (i.e., China) and pay them back with interest. While I make no apologies for the fact I think government spending on projects designed to help people is a good thing, we must bear in mind that if the interest payments continue to grow, that money going toward these ever-increasing interest payments will then be unavailable for other purposes.

Reducing the deficit is simple: in theory. It can be achieved by raising taxes and cutting spending. Thing is, neither of these is popular and neither is the type of thing that will increase a politician's chances of re-election. But the cold fact is the deficit needs to be brought under control in the short term in order for us to achieve the economic stability to achieve longer term goals. Rather than keep borrowing from our grandchildren, (to say nothing of the Chinese) I think we will need to sacrifice now in order to create the conditions in which our grandchildren can utilize government as a means of improving their quality of life.

We will need to come to the realization that hard and unpopular choices will need to be made in dealing with the situation. President Obama has reportedly said that in dealing with the the deficit, "everything will be on the table". That is as it should be. As a progressive-type, cutting spending on programs isn't something I like to think about. But the fact is this situation is so serious that it must be dealt with in a coldly rational, unflinching and adult manner.

I do have one suggestion, though, which I think will be worth considering. It is a compromise which will be painful for both sides of the political spectrum, but will - I feel - be ultimately necessary if we are to achieve fiscal stability. Here's the deal: liberals like myself don't like cutting programs. Conservatives don't like raising taxes. The hard reality of the situation is both will need to happen if we are to get the deficit under control. I therefore propose that for the amount of cuts that are made in government spending, there should be an equivalent amount of tax increases. In other words, for each million dollars that is cut in spending, there should also be a million dollars in tax increases. That way, both sides of the political spectrum will share in the sacrifice. I would hope the budgets cuts and tax increases will be wisely administered (such that the program cuts will not disproportionately affect those who need them the most and that the tax increases will primarily affect those who can most readily afford them) so that the negative effects on the average citizen will be kept to a minimum, but the key, I feel, is that BOTH will need to be done if we are to achieve financial stability.

The teabaggers will hate the tax increases. People like me will hate the cuts in government programs. That's too bad. This is a problem so serious we must all make realistic sacrifices. Only if we control the deficit will we be able to ensure the stable financial foundation we will need for our nation's future.

But BOTH sides will need to give up things important to them. If we do not agree to share the sacrifices brought about by tax increases and budget cuts we will inevitably share in the financial disaster that awaits those who refuse to compromise.

And that's why I am willing to compromise on government spending if the conservatives are willing to compromise on tax increases. But BOTH must happen... and in equal proportions.

It's the least we can do for our grandchildren.

If It Weren't for Bad Luck...

2010-02-16T14:59:00.000-08:00

The kids had Monday off for Presidents' Day. The Sloan Museum had a presentation on "Michigan Birds of Prey". My daughter, being a huge nature fan, wanted to go. Unfortunately, pre-registration was required - a fact I didn't realize until Saturday. It turned out that the Sloan doesn't do registration on the weekends, but we were told that there were still openings available and that if we showed up a half-hour before the presentation, we should be able to attend. So that's what we did... only to find out there were no openings left. Maddie made certain to inform me I was the Worst Dad in the World. That, combined with the skull-bursting headache that had been plaguing me all day just made me feel like I was living in a magical world of sunflowers and cupcakes.

Of course, the way my luck has been going lately, if we HAD been able to get into the Birds of Prey session, this is what likely would have happened:

"Hi, kids! Today's bird presentation is brought to you by CAMP: the Christian Animal Ministry Program! There was a slight typo in the flyer for today's event. Instead of "Birds of Prey" it should have read 'Birds That Pray'! Here's Polly the Parrot to start things off... Hey, Polly... can you tell the boys and girls who loves them?"

"Awwwwk! JESUS! Awwwk!"

"That's right, Polly! Jesus loves us all! Look at the beautiful feathers God created for Polly! Isn't that wonderful? Some evil scientists like Charles Darwin said that God DIDN'T create you, and for that blasphemy, Darwin is now burning in eternal agony in the fires of HELL! We Christians all know that God created you just as you are about 6,000 years ago! Now, let's have Millie the Mynah Bird sing about how... like birds... we should "flock" to church every Sunday!"

Yeah... just my luck...

NASA's Budget - Part 2

2010-02-10T10:53:00.000-08:00

In an earlier post, I decried the fact that Project Constellation and its projected return to the moon had been scrapped in the latest NASA budget. Since writing that initial post, I have heard more details about it. Some space enthusiasts have voiced cautious optimism, pointing out that the updated budget has, in fact, more money allocated to NASA and that among the items being funded is research for a next-generation heavy-lift rocket, which would be a prerequisite to space exploration beyond low Earth orbit.
While that indeed softens some of the blow from the cancellation of Project Constellation, I am troubled by the lack of specifics in the new budget. In fact, many knowledgeable people who have voiced public opinions are lukewarm about it at best. (i.e., when asked if they thought the new direction NASA is taking will be a good thing the answer was almost universally “I hope so.”)
Given the fact that there is no timetable stated for future human space missions or specified objectives for such flights, this new NASA plan seems to me to consist of nothing more than budget lines and pixie dust.
I may, of course, be wrong about this and this change in direction may, in fact, be the harbinger of a new era in space exploration which could turn out to be more efficient than Project Constellation had become.
I hope so.

Credit Where It's Due

2010-02-07T13:27:00.000-08:00

Many conservatives are dead set against a national health care plan claiming whenever the government does anything they screw it up.
I got a chance to determine whether that was the case for myself last week as I applied online for Michigan Unemployment Insurance. I found it was quite easy to do: they had an online instructional video that clearly explained the steps and the information you should have handy before applying. This helped the application process itself go smoothly. I applied on Monday and on Wednesday afternoon I had already received a confirmation letter in the mail letting me know what the amount of the payments would be and giving instructions on how to proceed.
I found the process to be efficient, relatively simple and - so far - trouble free.
Maybe government isn't the problem after all! :-)

EcoFail

2010-01-31T13:35:00.000-08:00

Today while driving around I noticed a vehicle with one of those window decals that advertise a business. In this case, the decal touted some sort of "Eco-Friendly Green Consulting" firm. Thing is, the decal was affixed to the window of a GMC Yukon... one of the biggest fuel-guzzling behemoths on the market. (And no, it wasn't a hybrid... I checked.)
Yeah. I think I'll pass...

Unimpressed.

2010-01-28T15:42:00.000-08:00

I was watching the WCMU-controlled WFUM signal last night to watch the State of the Union coverage.
Except it wasn't on.
They were airing a pledge program instead. Not only that, but the pledge program was being aired in "postage stamp" format. (For those of you with actual lives, this means the video was a small picture in the middle of the screen with a large black border around it.) From a technical standpoint, this is inexcusable. The digital conversion took place nearly a year ago and these formatting issues should have been dealt with long ago.
There have been some who have feared the WCMU acquisition of WFUM was motivated less by a sense of wanting to serve the Flint community than by a desire to "carpetbag" the larger Flint audience in order to get as much money out of it as possible. What I saw last night, combined with reports I've heard that the only additional staff WCMU is planning to hire will be underwriting salespeople for the Flint market does little to calm those fears.
If WCMU wanted to impress the Flint community, they should have aired the State of the Union address live and in full HD.
But airing a technically substandard pledge show instead? I'm unimpressed.

Crap.

2010-01-28T15:30:00.000-08:00

I made no secret of the fact that I didn't care much for President GW Bush. In fact, about the only thing he proposed that I liked was Project Constellation: the NASA program to return to the moon and possibly, one day, to Mars.
Now, however, there are reports that President Obama is ending Project Constellation.
That sucks.
I had so been looking forward to the return of humanity to the moon and beyond and I had been following every development in the Ares program that was to have been the next step in that process.
I'm sure it will happen eventually and I plan to follow it... but if I want to keep track of the transmissions between these new moonwalkers and the Earth, I will likely need to learn Chinese.
Whatever happened to the daring vision of Kennedy and LBJ? It seems nowadays whenever a Democrat gets into office they soon turn into "Republican-lite". We have billions with which to bail out Wall Street, but nothing for bold exploration of worlds beyond out own.
America is turning into a second-rate nation. Some people don't like to hear that, but "facts is facts".
I'm afraid Obama's decision is short-sighted and part of the "legumocracy" that is taking control of everything.

Unemployment is Hard Work!

2010-01-27T16:06:00.000-08:00

Silly me! I began my new experience as an unemployed leech on society thinking I'd be sleeping in and lounging around all day. No such luck.
Today, in fact, I had to wake up even earlier than I had to when I was working. I took the kids to the dentist, dropped them off at school, went to the bank, stopped by the Secretary of State office, picked up some books for my daughter at the library and went to my (former) workplace to fill out some paperwork.
I came home, did my daily job search, called the doctor, walked the dog, did some dusting, helped my daughter study for a test and cooked dinner. Then, I had to go to the local supermarket to pick up a prescription and a couple gallons of milk.
I hope I find a job soon... so I can relax!

Wifelogic

2010-01-21T18:07:00.000-08:00

I try to be a good husband and help out around the house. I even do a good share of the dusting, employing one o'those Swiffer duster thingies.
So when I'm done dusting for the week, there are two possibilities. Either the Swiffer thingie is covered in an ugly coat of dust or it isn't.
One time, when it was especially dusty, my wife said "You must not have been dusting very well or the Swiffer wouldn't have so much dust on it."
A few weeks later, the Swiffer wasn't so dusty. My wife's comment? "Why is the Swiffer so clean? Aren't you dusting?"
So... if the Swiffer is dirty, it's because I screwed up and let things get too dirty. If the Swiffer is clean, however, it's because I screwed up and didn't dust well enough.
And people wonder why I no longer give a shit what they think about me. :-)

Paid Vacation

2010-01-20T17:40:00.001-08:00

From now until Jan. 29, I'm getting paid to sit around at home. Not that I'm complaining. One beneficiary of this new arrangement is Lily, our sweet but brain-damaged Maltipoo. (Actually, she's not totally stupid... when it comes to devising ways to scrounge food from family members, she's a genius.)
Now, since I'm home during the day, I no longer have the guilt of putting her into her cage for a few hours between the time I leave for work and when the kids get home from school. Now, instead of her laying around in the cage all morning, she can now lay around outside the cage all morning!
I do make sure to take her for a morning walk, which is actually nice (and will become more so as the weather warms). I figure I should be nice to her. Evolution being what it is, her descendents could morph into towering intelligent carnivores called Megapoos which will usurp primates as the dominant lifeforms on the planet. Hopefully, if I'm nice to Lily, her descendants will be nice to my descendants and let them live. A long shot, I admit, but one can never be too careful.

In other news, I did some cooking today. Baked ravioli. Leanne seemed genuinely pleased to come home to the smell of a home-cooked meal. Somehow, I even managed to do a good job of it. Perhaps I'll survive unemployment after all...

A Fond Farewell

2010-01-19T10:15:00.001-08:00

This morning, I posted this message to "PBS Connect", a forum for public broadcasters. I am posting it here as well since it sums up my feelings on this strange, emotional day...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

TO MY FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES IN PUBLIC TELEVISION

After 26 years working here, today is my final day at WFUM. As some of you may have read, this departure isn't exactly voluntary. The University of Michigan has decided to suspend operation of the station citing financial concerns.
I will spend much of today packing away the remaining items in my office. The final item I will pack will also be my most treasured: a copy of the book "Due to Circumstances Beyond Our Control" autographed by it's author, Fred W. Friendly. This book was given to me several years ago by my good friend, boss, co-worker and mentor Jim Gaver upon his retirement. I know this book meant as much to him as it does now to me, which is why I was so moved and honored when he passed it along.
For those of you who are perhaps not familiar with the aforementioned book, it is a chronicle of the author's time in commercial broadcasting, his eventual disillusion with it and the statement of his vision for a non-commercial television service that would eventually become public television. Although the book was written in the 1960's, the arguments it makes for the value of public broadcasting are, I think, as valid now as they ever have been. If I were the Supreme Ruler of Public Broadcasting, I would make this book mandatory reading for all PTV employees. (That and "Rich Media, Poor Democracy" by Robert W. McChesney.)
I feel I have a lot in common with that copy of Mr. Friendly's book. Our outer covers are a bit worse for wear, but inside we're still as full of idealism as ever.

During my time in Public Television, I have had the good fortune to work with a great number of amazing, hard working and talented individuals. I have worked here for so long and I have met and worked with so many fantastic individuals I cannot possibly list them all. I would, however, like to mention a representative few. First of all, the aforementioned Jim Gaver, who inspired me with the idealism, knowledge and desire to work in this wonderful field. My Traffic pals Marge Mooney at WKAR, Chris Fleming at WDCQ, Donna Deeb at WGVU, Tania Schripsema at WCMU and Suze Kanack at Wyoming Public Television. I also would like to thank Carrie Corbin at WGVU for her honesty, support and information. I also have been proud and privileged to work with Kirk Lawrence, George Corba and Mark Brown, three engineers who share qualities seldom found together in a single person: top-rate technical competence and genuine human warmth. Finally, I would like to thank my assistant and hard-working "partner in crime", Quentin Dahl for his tireless efforts in fixing my more-frequent-than-I'd-like-to-admit mistakes and his willingness to put in an extra effort in all he does. Working with all of you has been a highlight not only of my professional but also my personal life.

And my final words to my friends and soon-to-be-former colleagues who still have the opportunity to serve your communities via public broadcasting: NEVER forget how important your work is! What you do is valuable and needed in your communities. Always bear that in mind! I know from personal experience that sometimes when you're in the second week of a caffeine-fueled slog of a pledge drive you wonder why you do this, but then you get - for example - an emotional phone call from a viewer recently diagnosed with cancer who received comfort and information from a documentary you just aired. Or you read an article on a successful local artist who was inspired to pick up her brushes by painting shows on public television. (Both true stories.) That's when you realize what public broadcasting is really all about. Public broadcasting isn't about ratings. It's about people. It's about ideas. It's about knowledge and art and enlightening discussions and quality entertainment. Just forget what some pundits and bean counters may say. The work you do is still vital and important. It not only should continue; it should expand. What public broadcasting has achieved in the past decades has been amazing, but it is nowhere near what its potential could be if its true value were recognized and funded accordingly.

So now I bid you all a fond farewell. I leave here for an uncertain future, trying to find a job in the middle of a recession in the metropolitan area Money Magazine ranked as the worst in the nation in which to find employment.
But if, somehow, that future should again include a position in public broadcasting, I promise that the first thing I do will be to unpack and place proudly on the highest shelf in my new office my copy of "Due to Circumstances Beyond Our Control".

So ciao, all! I'm off to make lemonade!

-John Vamossy
WFUM, Flint MI

Mmmmm.... Poutine!

2010-01-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

So here I am at my penultimate workday at WFUM. (I'm working tomorrow to oversee our station's backup schedule and then I'm outta here until my exit interview on Jan. 29).

So what am I thinking about? The impending change in my life? The fact that I will be without a job for the first time since I've been 12?

No. Those would be the reactions of a normal brain. My brain may be many things, but normal it is not.

No, I'm sitting here at my desk dreaming of a huge serving of delicious poutine. For those of you whose lives have been denied this bit of inexpensive culinary heaven, poutine is an awesome dish served in Canada. The recipe is simplicity itself. You take French Fries and Cheese Curds and pour gravy all over 'em. That's it. But mmmmmmm... I want some SO bad right now. Thing is, I've never seen poutine outside of Canada.

Well, one of the things I was hoping to try with my extra time was to do some cooking. I think this may be a challenge. I may have to attempt to create some poutine on this side of the border!

I don't know if "I've made poutine" would go over well on a resume, (it would if I ran the world!) but it now sounds like something I must try!

Welcome Wagon Redux

2010-01-16T12:50:00.000-08:00

Earlier, I posted a link to my friend's blog. Well, here's an update. It turns out that previously-posted link will be more for practical advice and for information about her more entrepreneurial pursuits.
She has, however, started a second blog with more of her personal musings.
Feel free to check out:

http://thebohemiancrow.blogspot.com/

I look forward to some cool postings there!